Morning Ramblings


Ok, I finished the assignment yesterday at about 9 something at night. After some cheating. Um well, you can't really call it cheating. No one said I cannot skip the video. Anyway, there's just left one more thing to do, so...

I really have to go get my shopping done today. Else mom would be ballistic. I need at least 2 more shirts and some groceries.

I am still yawning and my lids are heavy times ten, but I can't go to sleep anymore. Restless stomach, again. I have to say I don't fancy carbohydrate. Everytime I think about eating rice, I go urghh. Roti kadang-kadang laa. And sometimes I just eat mihun and kuayteow.

Ok let's admit. I'm a spoilt brat. I spoil myself more than other people spoil me. And people do spoil me a lot. But I can be very strict with myself too when I need myself to focus and be sensible.

Ok my head is spinning and I'm sleepy. I'm going to try sleep one more time :D


My Dictionary


Ok. 3rd post for today. Hard not to when all you do is staring at the computer from 8 something in the morning up till now.

Heart had been restless. Maybe because stomach is hungry. Oh I ate Maggi for lunch. And I finished the noodles. How cool was that? Yesterday I finished my 6 inch subway and I even devoured everything of my KFC snack plate. Except the bun, of course. I guess my appetite is back. Good.

I realized that the definition of a few words in my dictionary contradicts general definition. Well, that's not simply because I hate being ordinary, but rather in my day-to-day life, I found a new perspective of seeing things. No, there is no such word as BFF in my dictionary. There are Specials, VVIP and Little Wonders though. And lately, I have been wondering on the definition of love. Who doesn't? That word is not particularly an easy one to define.

Aaahhhh I'm just starting on session 11. I guess the reason I'm writing is just so I can keep myself sane. I hope Friday comes quickly. Because Friday is the deadline of EVERYTHING. And when Friday comes, I must have finish doing all the works XD


The Tale of the Unbreakable


Ok I reallllyyyy feel like writing a short story right now. But I can't. I'm not even halfway through the assignment yet. *Sigh*

If I am able to write one, the title of the short story would be "The Tale of the Unbreakable". Oh don't bother asking what the story would be about. I haven't think about that yet. But I know that that title will make a good story.

If everything goes well, I'm going to finish Module 2 of 2nd part tonight at 11.30 p.m. That is assuming I don't eat anything or go anywhere outside the house.

I so much want to write a story, pretty with-fresh-cream-and-cherries-on-top please.


About the Future


I'm trying NOT to think about how much fun Bibik and Nadia will be having at KLCC-Times Square-Pavillion today. I have 2 days before deadline and I still have a bunch to do. Never mind. I'll get myself something decent when I finish everything. I'm trying to numb myself from any feelings and concentrate on my assignment, but apparently that is kind of hard to do.

Anyway, you'll realize I'm all-over the place lately. I have been constantly moving. KL to BP majorly. But also to other places as well. I realized now how many things I still haven't done so although everything is going well currently, I'm heading home next week.

If you ask me now, I'll still say I don't know anything about my future. I know now that no one does. But I hope there are some things good in store for me.


Sunny Day


Pergi membeli langsir bersama emak di Tangkak tengahari tadi. Kedai kain tersebut pasang lagu raya. Tiba-tiba rasa macam nak nangis. Haha. Sudah berapa kalikah saya tak ada beraya di Malaysia?

Pernah suatu masa seorang rakan sepasukan bertanya pada saya, "Why do you have so many fears?" Ya, saya memang seorang penakut. Saya takut bugs, height, speed, dark dan bermacam-macam lagi. Lalu saya jawab pada dia, "Because I'm a girl." Ok, saya tahu jawapan tak boleh pakai. Apatah lagi dikemukakan oleh seorang perempuan berjurusan Kejuruteraan Mekanikal. Zatul is more of a lady than me and yet she could single-handedly and heartlessly kill every bugs I found scary in my room. Jawapan sebenar adalah, "Because I have as much self-confidence as a wet rag."

Anyway, I promised to improve myself and try to be perfect. Ok, no one is perfect but there's nothing wrong in trying to be better.

And the first on my list is : drive. I just HAVE to swallow everything and get myself behind the wheel. Sebab not being able to drive is soooo NOT cool. And sometimes having to ask other people to drive me around seem just not right. I sometimes do wish I can drive. But when I return to wonderland and the need of driving return to zero, I forget all about my will to drive. Ok this is serious. I'll reward myself 5 books of my choice if I can bring myself to drive outside Taman Kantan Permai. And with speed more than 40kmph. :D

I am babbling now, am I not? I guess I'll see you later then.




Well, broadband is not behaving well currently, so I decided to do my assignment later. When I'm back in Kajang.

I am positively worried of myself. Less then two weeks left and my appetite has been declining super fast Monday. Should I blame it on the Laksa Penang at Mid Valley Food Court? It's not that I am having a not-so-good time that I don't feel like eating. In fact, Monday was when I actually laughed a lot and had fun after some very-depressing time. I went out with Bibik and her two friends and it was awesome. We laughed macam nak pengsan while searching for an empty parking lot. And bed-talked later at her friend's and ended with Bibik skipping class because it was too late for her to go, anyway. Bibik bought me chicken strips from BBQ Chicken and Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks because I was a bit down due to my um.. problem. I have such a wonderful younger sister, you have to remind me to buy her something when my first paycheck comes out. But I realized that that was about everything I ate that day.

Tuesday saw me sipping sup tulang and one piece of begedil for lunch and not-finishing my kuetiaw goreng for dinner. Wednesday was when I had GCB for lunch and didn't finish the fries and eating half of roti telur for dinner (I agreed to go for dinner because Boyot was threatening me). Thursday, I ate three small pieces of chicken for lunch and no dinner at all. Friday, we had lunch at O'Briens where I only managed to finish half of my chicken wrap and I only took a couple of sip of my Maggi Sup. The thing is, I feel hungry yet I don't feel like eating anything. And the weird thing is my ring is tightening around my finger. It even leave marks on it now. Well anyway, I'm worried because less than two weeks left and I am supposed to be keeping fit.

I told you, you wouldn't want to listen to my worries.

So on a happy note, if everything goes well, I'm returning to wonderland this Thursday. Yes, Thursday. And I haven't shop for anything.

I see you later then, when I'm less worried.


Nearing The End


Um... I think I'm not being myself currently. If I am, I would have finished all the things I should be doing since a few days ago. I just need to get a serious smack on my head so that I would just stop day-dreaming. Somebody, hit me please!

Anyway, things have been going well. A few ups and downs but hardly count as hardships. I actually do enjoy going around with Bibik. But well, as I picked up the book at MPH last Monday while I was out with Bibik and her friends, for the how-many times I realized why I do need to get myself a job. Books are expensive. And I always need lots of those T.T. And I want to continue my piano lesson. So a week left. I hope everything is going to be this well.

I hope today is going to be a fabulous day :)




Hari yang cerah. Diharap semua baik-baik saja.

I'm grateful for this life I'm living.

Thank you, Allah :)


Cooking Me


Saya akan memasak hari ini. Ya, sudah lama tak ada memasak. Hampir satu bulan setengah. Goreng frozen food atau boil spaghetti tak termasuk kira. Menolong emak memasak juga tak masuk. The thing is, memasak bukan di dapur sendiri macam ada sikit pelik. Macam membuat 3D drawing menggunakan komputer di sekolah. Macam sangat pelik dan lambat. Literally lambat. Sebab tak tau tools berada di mana. Ada toolbar yang ada, ada toolbar yang tak ada. Maka akan menghabiskan masa mengorek di sana sini. Memasak di dapur orang lain pun boleh tahan sama, mungkin.

Bercerita tentang memasak, saya sudah tahu kenapakah tak boleh komplen bila dapat gred sebegitu rupa dalam subjek Baeryo. Sebenarnya saya tak ada komplen langsung, tetapi telah ketawa dengan seronok. Flunk sorang-sorang memang sedih. Tapi kalau flunk secara beramai-ramai adalah perkara yang kelakar. Sama macam flunk add math bersama-sama semua rakan sekelas waktu Form 4. Oh bagaimanapun, saya deserved gred itu kerana sebenarnya.. um.. saya telah ponteng kelas tersebut sekali. Ya, ponteng. Dalam ertikata tanak datang. Instead, saya pergi memasak nasi ayam di rumah junior. Haha. Jadi memang deserved gred itu.

Baiklah. Mahu pergi menonton tv. Eh, bagaimana dengan memasak? Nantilah. Haha.




I am on a whirlwind of emotion right now, and I don't think I'm going to be down anytime soon. It isn't even eleven yet and I already wish I am in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come.

The latest of emotion involves me being furious with myself for being a coward I am. I feel like kicking myself. Umm.. no. I don't kick others when I'm mad at them, only when I'm mad at myself.

When I didn't hear anything within the week, I assumed things were going well. If not, I would've heard about the bad news, right? But when I didn't hear anything up till today, I started to feel anxious. I'm using all the strength I still have in me to stay positive. You know how extra-negative I am towards many things. But I'm trying not to be for this one.

I guess I'll just get back to sleep. Or is anyone up for coffee?


Happy Birthday



Ya, saya tak ada untuk menyambut hari lahir beliau. Juga tak ada membeli hadiah sebab saya dah hampir bankrap. Berharap beliau sabar menanti gaji pertama saya walaupun tak berapa tau nak belikan hadiah apa dah. Mungkin beliau mengharapkan sebiji R6 tapi mungkin lebih baik saya membelikan beliau sehelai baju hujan. Atau penyumbat telinga kaler biru yang beliau bawa pulang dari kilang tempoh hari.

Saya masak bubur ayam hari ini. Pada kebiasaannya, saya memasak bubur ayam ketika saya berasa I-am-not-well-and-feeling-neglected-so-I-decided-to-pamper-myself. Tak tahu kenapakah bubur ayam macam sangat berciri kasih sayang.

Stomach has been a bit restless this morning. It twists itself into a knot, a lot. I wonder what makes it feel so.


Rough Time


Akhir-akhir ini saya sedang melalui rough time. Badai ombak melambung semua ada. Sudah berapa hari bangun tidur rasa nak nangis. Ok tipu saja. Baru hari ini berasa nak menangis. Hari sebelum-sebelum ini telah sengaja melumpuhkan hati sendiri agar tidak berperasaan. Er tapi hari ini perasaan macam sedikit berterabur maka terapi yang digunakan pada hari-hari sebelum ini tidak berkesan. Tidak, saya tak memerlukan shopping sebagai terapi. Sebab dengan rasionalnya telah tahu terapi tersebut berkesan buat jangkamasa pendek saja. Adakah harus give up dan berkahwin saja? Oh tapi tak boleh give up. Give up adalah sifat yang buruk untuk diamalkan. Kalau berkahwin itu boleh. Sebab itu amalan baik. Benda baik tak elok dilambatkan. Haha. Tiba-tiba.

Mendengar OST Cinderella Sister berulang kali. Sebab lagu tersebut macam menyayat hati. Maksud saya melodinya. Lirik macam tak ada kaitan. Tapi tak apa. Asal melodi mensiat hati saja sudah boleh pakai. Kemudian boleh melayan perasaan sedih. Tapi belum seperti Lilo yang mengunci dan memaku pintu rumah dan memberitahu kakak beliau, "Leave me alone to die." Haha. Itu hyper nama dia.

Bukankah kata sedang sedih? Kenapa banyak ketawa pula? Habis, tak kan membawa mood sedih kepada pembaca yang tak sedih. Walaupun saya sedih, anda semua haruslah menikmati hari yang gembira ya. Sekian :D