Up-close and Personal

The End

2010-12-30T18:56:00.007+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 2027 KST
Location : Backseat of my SE's car
Mood : a mixture of many things
Listening to : sound of heater

The day before the end of 2010.

I hereby announce that i won't be blogging anymore.
Funny that as i thought about it, turned out Lisi Harrison thinks along the same line as mine. Only that our reasons are different. She thought of stopping because no one seems to read anymore. So she'll continue after all if people tell her that they do read. Mine is quite far from that.

I never really know who are my readers. Apart from a few close companions that at certain points commented on it, i never knew the existence of others. And i stopped tracking the traffic since ages ago. About some years ago to be specific. And while i appreciate each and every one of you, i have to say that i find it hard to blog anymore. I won't say it's because i'm busy. Because it's not the reason why i would want to stop. It's just that for sometimes it has been hard to find a subject to talk about. So i don't want to bore any of you to death with some stories as lame as "pergi kedai beli gula-gula" as Chika would have put it.

I admit that everyday i mentally write something in my head about how my days goes, what i think about when i look at something, my opinions about general stuffs etc. But the moment i put it on the blog something feels just not right. And i delete everything all over again. I was thinking that maybe i still do want to write and i do love writing. Only i figured that i want to write it in a diary instead. I certainly has had my little share of spotlight and i guess it is time to withdraw. While some of you might think that turning socially reserved may be unhealthy for me, i assure you that i guess a little more quiet time with myself is what i need currently. And hey siapa kata i won't be socializing anymore. I just said i won't be blogging. You'll still see me around doing what i do when i'm around.

With this i thank each and everyone of you and i apologize for rarely acknowledging you and not getting to know you. I apologize too for any mistakes and inconveniences, with or without intention, that i caused to any of you. You can always add me on my facebook. Just please send a message and introduce yourself, for i don't approve people whom i don't know, even when they go to the same school as me.

Thank you again and i wish you all the best in your future.

With love. And lots of them.
pphoenix

Another Year

2010-12-27T22:27:00.004+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Its 2227 KST and i'm at Box of Wonder, listening to I Don't Care by 2NE1. I just got back from work and is ready for bed.

Tapi tiba-tiba jumpa idea untuk blogging. Kan dah kata akhir2 ni macam sangat cerewet pilih tajuk blog. Maka bila jumpa harus cepat2 tulis. Well, talk about the end of 2010. Buat pengetahuan anda resolusi untuk memiliki 32 pasang kasut tal berjaya dicapai. Majorly because i was unemployed for half of the year. Sebab lain ialah bila sudah bekerjaya memang tak ada memakai kasut lain selain sneakers. Dan tak mungkin membeli 20 pasang sneakers lah bukan?

Thing i like most about 2010 : Returning to Wonderland. I can never be more thankful for that. The anxieties, the tears, the sleepless nights. I learned the importance of being surrounded by Little Wonders. Terbang memang seronok. Tapi hidup kena berpijak atas bumi. And i am grateful for having the Little Wonders to be with me through everything and reminding me what is real.

Thing i dislike about 2010 : All the stupid ones, really. I kinda made lot of those. The things i regret and pray to not repeat in future. Things i wish i would have better judgment at when i am another year older.

All in all it has been a year of everything i guess.

Ya Allah, lancarkanlah segala urusanku di masa hadapan.

Assalamualaikum :)

2010-12-27T00:40:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I kind of having troubles thinking what to blog lately. I guess i turned picky at choosing which stories about me i would choose to tell. Anyway regarding the choice of times square for present-shopping, although i didn't have to worry about freezing muself while findinf the perfect birthday presents, i have to say that the place is too big and holds too many nice shops. Not to mention the sea of people flooding it considering it was a public holiday. Ya public holiday pada hari sabtu. And kitorang tak ada main cuti ganti. At the end i found everything i needed, met the becoming birthday girl, handed the present before we were off on our separate ways.

I wrote several words to form a sentence before deleting them off. I told you i became picky at choosing my subjects and i don't know whether or not it's a good thing. Now i don't even know what do i tell you. Guess i better get some sleep. Going to work tomorrow. Gudnight.

2010-12-25T08:52:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

0852KST and i'm still in bed. Just had a weird dream that left me feeling weird all over. Ha!

Anyway i'm allowing myself to Times Square (horaaaayyyyy!) for birthday present shopping. I was thinking of going shopping indoors because it's -16 degrees outside, so.... Macam sikit jakun padahal orang mesti berasa "eleh, pegi times square je pn". Er saya ialah orang kampung suwon yang baru pernah pegi times square sekali saja. Memang harus jakun :p

Um tak tau nak cakap apa lagi. Why is everything that goes around in my head is work-related? And i kind of promised myself not to blog about work.

See you later with a bunch of shopping bags XD

2010-12-17T19:29:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 1929 KST
Location :
Mood :
Listening to :

Cerita Satu
I arrived at work on Thursday with a bunch of stuff on my desk which i know immediately was put there by my SE and was to be brought to the line. And along with it was a pair of thick, warm-looking gloves. So my hands won't get cold when carrying it. Tell me how can i not be a brat when i'm used to this kind of treatment? :p

Cerita Dua

Me : What do i wear to a wedding?
Y : The white hijjab you wore the other day when you went out wih your friends.

You won't be finding the above conversation funny if you don't know me well. Just in case you don't know, let me explain. I rarely wear tudung other than black. And i only wear black to work all this while. So when last saturday i decided to wear cream-colored because i have a dinner date later on, everybody piled me up with questions and comments on how i automatically look different. Oh yah the tudung is cream-colored but my senior said it's white because guys generally don't describe colors well. My colleague, who is a guy, said my old glasses was pink when it was PURPLE. Oh anyway, it's good being me. Stick to predictable routine everyday and one day when i do minor changes, all jaws drop :D

Ok this thing is written at seven but i went out for movie so i just continued it. Went to watch Harry Potter. And while semua orang puji yhe story, i can't help wondering is it me or is the story a lot different from the book itself. The effect was cool and all but i still prefer the book, thank you. And if i were to choose which of the movies i thought is the best, i'd say the first one.

I wanted to write more but am already sleepy. So let's just see you later :)

2010-12-15T19:53:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 1954 KST
Location : Alaska
Mood : =)
Listening to : my colleagues chatting

Ok i was happy they brought me ice cream but it's yogurt ice cream, now i feel like throwing up :p. Anyway i'm having dinner with my colleagues of my intake. We are celebrating the success of two weeks ago. Um.. Don't ask anymore.

Favorite quote of today : "Hello Kitty is dominating the world."
Guess who said those words. Anyway, no one you would know. Heh :p.

I never really blog about my job kan? Mekdi once asked if i could blog about my day at work, the routine i go through. I really did try writing one, but i guess it's too personal. Something i don't think of sharing with the world. Something that i want to share only with those closest to me.

Anyway i'm sleepy. But i'm forcing myself to do some reading before i sleep everyday. Else i don't know when will i finish reading all the books i bought like a month ago.

Talk to you again soon :)

Different Me

2010-12-12T07:26:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

In the subway shuttling towards Sadang to catch the early bus to Suwon. It's nearly 7.30 in the morning and i'm listening to Juliet Shatkin's Ur Perfect. There are three things you should know about me.

1. I'm a mid-winter baby. I can be extremely cold towards strangers.
2. I'm not really a charming person. And when i don't like something, you'll see it written like a billboard across my face.
3. I'm a spoilt brat. Hard not to be one when you are in my place really.

Anyway, like a few weeks ago i woke up to a facebook photo comment by my eldest sister suspecting me doing a plastic surgery because i somehow look different. Duh. She's not the only one who noticed the difference, i should say. But uhm no, i didn't do a plastic surgery. Gila kah? The only explanation i can give is that maybe, just maybe, the hard work makes me look more alive. I must admit that, just like today, i like my reflection in the mirror most when i just woke up in the morning after a hectic previous day. I know the rule is that after a few hardships you'd look tired and a lot unlike human anymore, but in my case i do look more alert and alive. Oh well, after all, i am a freak.

Now i'm heading home early for i have to be in the office today. Am a bit sleepy but i told people first hand that i would be a little late today.

See you again when i see you :)

25 in 30

2010-12-10T23:40:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ok lama x bertemu. Sebab satu : PC dah mati. Sebab dua : tak berapa ada masa. Memang tak ada masa. Betul. Tak ada tipu.

Cukup mukadimah.

I wrote a paragraph about work and deleted it. Just because blogging about how busy my work is is kinda lame.

Eh i'm turning 25 soon :D. And since i frozen my major spending, my wishlist increased substantially. Here are some of the things you can get me. That is if you want to get me something for my birthday.

1. Tali kasut converse. Because clever me threw away the laces of my jeans converse without buying a new one.
2. Piano textbook. Intermediate please. I don't have the tine to go to class anymore, fyi. So i should at least practice at home. But eh doesn't that mean i have to buy a piano? XD
3. Ugg boots. In deep red or royal purple if possible. Hah pandai demand.
4. Is it possible to get me my own LCM line's labcoat and shoes and cap?
5. Well if 4 is not possible, then the automatic bosch screwdriver please. Or maybe that would be too expensive. Ok my own sets of screwdrivers then.
6. Bluetooth headset. Sape belikan bumper siap ah.
7. This one is for Mekdi to buy - lint-free towel. For drying my hands when i have to clean my lens XD
8. Belle of the Brawl by Lisi Harrison. Seriously, me, how long have that book been on sale?
9. My own copy of starcraft 2 pretty please.

Well i guess that's about it.

Sleepy =.=~

Dear my 24-years-old self,
그 동안 고생 많이 했고 바보 같은 짓들도 많이 했다, 너. 그래도 잘 버텼고 이겨낸 거 정말 다행이다. 이 남은 30일 동안 난리 없고 문제 없이 자아~~~~~알 보내면 좋겠다 :)

Selamat malam :)

Tagged

2010-11-30T08:00:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time: 0801 KST

Location : Box of Wonder

Mood : Calm

Listening to : sound-of-my-PC

Malam tadi telah dapat tahu di-tag oleh Eliz Azima, tapi 25 macam sangat banyak untuk difikir maka terus tidur dan berpendapat akan berfikir pagi ini. So here goes.

1. I'm not a fan of chocolate. I grew out of it. Saya makan choco wafer, choco cake, choco ice-cream, choco biscuits. But not chocolate. The huge pack of Kisses and the box of Baci has been sitting in my fridge for a few months XD

2. I don't eat all cheese. The cheese I dislike most is cream cheese. Followed by Mozarella.

3. Saya takut tidur waktu hujan. Noktah. Tak ada explanation sebab memang tak berapa tahu kenapa.

4. Lately macam selalu mendengar lagu Ayat-ayat Cinta. It reminds me of Zatul Iffah T.T

5. I love all kinds of potatoes. Including sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes on pizzas are the best.

6. My favorite soup is seaweed soup. Talk about Korean food-overload.

7. I have this ONE thing I hate about Mekdi, but I'm not telling in public :D

8. My favorite author is Lisi Harrison. I try to get all her books.

9. I still think buying clothes with brand is NOT something wise if you can have better choice in the street.

10. I love winter coats. And boots. Practically winter wear. Hey, I'm a winter baby.

11. I love having my birthday in winter. It means I can have fresh strawberry on my cake.

12. The only berries I eat is strawberry. And the only strawberry I eat is STRAWBERRY. Bukan jem stoberi atau aiskrim stoberi atau air stoberi atau coklat stoberi dan sebagainya.

13. I finish my food better in Wonderland than in Dreamland. Padahal makan kat Dreamland macam sedap gila kot.

14. Oh I CANNOT DRIVE. Must be the only person in my family that can't T.T

15. Ya, saya tak suka membazir waktu seperti Eliz. One of the things that annoyed me is guys who walk slow padahal dia bukan on a date.

16. I have a thing on something white padahal my favorite color is purple. Tapi just because your favorite color is purple takkan la semua benda nak pakai purple kan. Macam tu takkan la I would be living the past 13 years of my life in purple.

17. My official working time is 9 hours per day, but I usually do at least almost 12 hours almost everyday. I'm a workaholic.

18. Saya suka cold sandwiches.

19. I talk a lot about food but I don't look like someone who eat a lot. Try me.

20. Ya orang suka immitate my voice. Hahahaha.

21. I am not a high-schooler anymore, so I don't think I'm a loser just because I don't have friends to flank me 24/7.

22. I love buying other people something. Which is apparently not a good trait when I am broke. But I do usually try all I can to get the right thing for a gift.

23. I'm late for work. But isn't 'late' is considered when I come past 1 p.m?

24. Oh I love Soshi. Or Girls' Generation as you call it XD

25. I still have a birthday wishlist to post later. Lol.

Ok get going get going.

2010-11-21T08:49:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 0849KST
Location : In the subway
Mood : Sleepy but happy. Heh
Listening to : Backstreet Boys' Poster Girl

In the span of two weeks I bought 2 boots, one dress, one turtleneck, three coats and three books. Material girl alert :p

Anyway to those thinking whatever happened to my dinner outfit (considering I spent like hours finding it, here's a picture.

Ouch i forgot the whole upload a picture thingy does not work on this phone. Wait I HAVE TO change song. Now i'm listening to The Corrs' All the Love in the World. Um never mind, i'll upload one later. Anyway it was navy dress over skinny and calf-high boots and 3/4 coat. I think the coat was supposed to be half but you know me.

I guess this week's is one of the most tiring socializing saturday. Talk about being at four corners of seoul in one day. I hope no one would think i am an introvert and a social loser anymore. I was being sarcastic in case you don't get it. Anyway i first went over to the alma-mater SNU for an alumni gathering. Ate ah-lot. Met a lot of 65 leftovers. Too bad we didn't have meal together afterwards. If we did it would be another hwaeshik scene XD Next i went to COEX. The plan was go to seoul wearing a thin blazer as an excuse to buy myself a fabulous coat later. But turned out i bought THREE. I am officially broke for the month. Lucky they aren't Zara. Like i would have the money ti buy THREE Zara coats. If i do i'd rather buy an electric piano. Duh. Oh and i bought two books which i now realized i left over at Mekdi's. Lol. Never mind i'll just read Diet Queen today then. After some rounds of free-for-all of SC2, at which i won only one T.T, i went over to Yonsei University where Mekdi resides.

And now i'm heading back to Suwon for self-sunday. Talk tou you again prolly next sunday :D

2010-11-14T21:06:00.000+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Hati calar.
Sekian terima kasih.

My Box of Wonder

2010-11-13T14:29:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 14.31 KST

Location : Box of Wonder

Mood : neutral

Listening to : SNSD's Hoot

I told you time flies in Wonderland. A month is composed of several short weeks. And another just passed. I have nothing scheduled this weekend except the annual dinner which up to now I had forgotten will be taking place tomorrow night. In Seoul. Apart of having not thinking of how to get back to Suwon after ten o'clock, I also have not think of what I will wear. My wardrobe currently holds zero traditional clothes. And I AM NOT going to show up in full suit. Maybe I will just skip the dinner all over.

Here are some things I love about Box of Wonder :

1. The PIN number-ed lock. It means I don't have to spend times searching for the key when I am already late. This happened a lot previously because I had the knack of throwing the key everywhere. Lol. And I don't have to worry about forgetting the keys. And people who came to visit can access my house easily without having to wait for me to get home.

2. The balcony for doing laundry. Having to carry the laundry from the bathroom out to the lines is such a chore, seriously. Having one place to do everything is beyond cool.

3. The yellow-tiled kitchen wall. It means it won't look especially dirty with grease all-over after cooking. And since it's tile, it's easier to clean.

4. The sunlight streaming in straight to my bed. It maybe uncomfortable if you like sleeping late, but highly convenient if you love reading in bed on weekend mornings.

5. The shoe rack. Yes I have a shoe rack. My shoes are not all-over the place :D

Practically anything about it really. It's not really a huge house or anything. Just a one-room. But it's perfect for living a single life. And it currently is one of the thing I love most of my life.

Blur

2010-11-10T19:50:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 7.50 p.m

Location : I don't even bother saying

Mood : Sikit annoyed at the dust yang keep interfering in my lenses' case.

Listening to : Smile Boy by Lee Seunggi and Kim Yeona

Ok dah lama tak balik awal. Balik sebab I have 2 hwaeshiks this week. See I use korean word with english grammar :D Macam tak ada kena mengena kan hwaeshik dengan balik awal. Well, ada. Sebab bila hwaeshik akan balik lambat habis (I'm trying not to use the word gila, in case you don't notice) maka balik awal sementara boleh balik awal :p

What to say? Macam tak berapa ada. I kept coming late this week. For two days I forgot my employee card and today I purposely went late. Eh sekali teringat hari ni masuk lambat. So supposedly balik lambat. Tapi tak ingat enough 9 hours tak :D

Ok I'm having writer's block. I get back to you when I know what to say.

Another Sunday for Myself

2010-11-07T11:35:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 11.35 a.m

Location : As usual

Mood : Lazy kind of happy

Listening to : Lovable by Kim Jong Gook

Last night was a total blast. Ok I did not finish four hours at work because I had a problem with the network, but I did finish preparing the food before the guests arrived. Ok that was a lie. Kye Howe came on time and I was still struggling with everything. Dira and Diyana came a bit later. Us with Mosh had our share of the meal while watching Paranormal Activity 1. And the best part must be when the Mosh's cell rang all so suddenly during the suspense scene. All of us jumped and broke into a laugh. Mun sure knows the right time to call. The rest arrived a bit later. I cooked the second round of the meal. Oh well, reminded me of the time when I had to cook another serving for the guests during my last open house. Vincent commented then that the food was like a buffet. It kept coming and I kept cooking another serving and another and another. Lol. Eh rindu Zatul.

Kan dah kata tak boleh berlagak. Tengok salad bowl cantik dah retak semalam. Maybe the chicken was too hot when I put it in T.T

I woke up at past nine today and lazed in bed with The Lost Symbol until 11.30 a.m. Oh the way I got lost in a book once I started. Now it's time to do the weekly cleaning. I see you when I'm finished ok. And I think I'll cook chicken porridge for myself. For a treat on my self-sunday :)

One thing, I MAY not be able to make it for the next Malaysia vacation. I would have to do several reconfirmations. Oh the amount of appointments I've scheduled and the list of people I made to meet.

Weekend Lagi

2010-11-06T09:26:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm currently at Dunkin Donut Itaewon waiting for the foreign mart to be open. I hope it would at least open at 10. I so can afford to leave Itaewon any later than that. You see, i have to be in the office by 11.30 because I'm a freak and an introvert with no friends to enjoy the weekend with. Haha. Kidding :p Apparently sarcasm runs deep in our family. But nah, I'm not mad. Throw an insult my way an the most I make out of it is a joke. Ok, truth is I have to be in the office by 11.30 because my friends are coming for house-warming at 6 and I have to be at the office a minimum of four hours. So you do the maths.

Actually I don't really HAVE to be there. Just that when I respect someone, I hate to disappoint them. And I do respect my SE so mucb that when he asked if I would come today, I just decided I will. Besides it's not like I hate my job that I can't bear to be in the office on weekends. Quite the contrary, I'm actually looking forward to it. There are several other examples of me trying not ti disappoint the people I respect. Take yesterday when the SE offered me kimchi. Oh yes I ATE IT. And what about when my Korean Language teacher said he hoped I would take the zither class. I did not miss any of it till the end of the course. I can be very determined to please others when I want.

Will blog more about another matter soon. Typing on touch pad is tiring.

And eh, I go dizzy if I try to browse my phone on the bus. So I cannot do anything else except sleep. Freak much?

Hungry~

2010-11-04T22:14:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : 10.14 p.m KST

Location : Box of Wonder (where else?)

Mood : Macam sikit tingtong. Sebab lapa kot?

Listening to : Diana Page's Ride

Lapa habis. Padahal makan nasik semangkuk time lunch. Ok admittedly dinner cuma makan egg tart. Maka tengah goreng sosej.

My eyes kept getting dry today. Many times rasa macam nak bukak je lens tersebut, tapi tak boleh mengalah. So I tried hard to shed tears to wet it. I concentrated on thinking about the saddest thing that ever happened to me, but still I could not cry. It's whether my life is wonderful enough or the thing I thought the saddest isn't exactly the saddest at all. So since I could not cry, I had to make do with blinking my way to past 8 p.m.

Oh dah lupa nak cakap apa :D

Anyway, I guess I am a freak in a way. Today I think about the one word to describe me, and the only word I can think of is 'freak'. Sebab, really, macam there is no more suitable word kot. But being a freak doesn't necessarily make me less than normal people. It just makes me different. So, um yeah, I am a freak.

Wah dah lambat. Cepat makan lalu pegi tidur :p

Early Tuesday

2010-11-02T20:44:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Time : Approximately 8.46 p.m KST

Location : Box of Wonder

Mood : Pretty good

Listening to : 2NE1's Go Away

Ok, I'm back to trying lenses. Because my left eyes has been twitching since 3 weeks ago and I can't find a single glasses that I like, so I'm back with trying lenses. And I just succeeded wearing it like a few minutes ago, so yeah, I'm a bit jakun right now :p But I was really thinking on having Lasik. It is on my birthday wishlist along with iMac, electric piano and iPad. Um no, no one would be paying for any of those for me. I am buying one of those myself.

I was thinking once I got an iPhone I would be able to do chat during work, but I barely looked at it today. Once I got into drawing, it's hard to get me to pay attention to anything else. And as of today, both the cameras were sealed. I can just unseal it if I want, but I don't want to have to go out early in the morning just to have it re-seal back. I know I said I'll go back at 8.30p.m but I left early because if I was to go home at past 8 with the amount of clothes I wore to the office this morning, I would freeze.

I can't wait to get into bed because cold makes me sleepy, but I also want some supper.

See you when I see you.

Sleepy Saturday

2010-10-30T08:40:00.002+09:00

Time : Approximately 8.40 a.m KST

Location : Box of Wonder (that's my home, in case u don't know)

Mood : I was about to write grateful/satisfied/filled-with-happiness and that sort, but I got a phone call just now and it changed into grateful+jubilant.

Listening to : Juliet Shatkin's Ur Perfect

I was having a straight OT week but decided to have an early night yesterday. So I set up a dinner date with Mekdi because she said she wanted Tom Yam. After Tom Yam, crab curry and spring rolls, we went for choco cake and coffee at the usual place. It became our usual coffee spot because I am collecting the points for free coffee there :p. After successfully fixing the tv (my superior would be proud if he knew this. padahal restart modem sajer :p), we chose to watch Legends of Girls' School : Voice. That is one of the most famous horror movie series. I watched two of them before and now another one. I just need to watch another two now. And I wonder who would want to watch them with me. Eh lupa cakap. We watched it on VOD. It's one of the free movies on the list. One of the many reasons I love Box of Wonder.

Ok I admit I wasn't having a good week. What's with the almost similar nightmare 4 days in a row, leaving me with restless nights. But come to think about it, it is only fair for me to have a little bit of not-so-good things going on. After all, I'm going to get my second smartphone soon. PM me for my new official number k :)

Raya Eve

2010-09-09T18:08:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Yes, I cried at work today. Oh takde la meratap sayu ke ape tah. Cuma mengalir air mata. Setitik. Dua. Mungkin juga lima. Tak tahu. Tak ada kira. Tapi telah menangis. Nasib tak ada siapa perasan. Dan nasib juga sudah habis mengelap air mata sewaktu orang atasan datang bertanya bilakah Ramadhan berakhir dan apakah saya makan ikan. Hahahahabislah besok kena pergi hwaeshik T.T Sebenarnya hari ini juga telah skip hwaeshik.

Selamat hari raya semua. The lucky ones may also get a call from me. Teka apakah makanan malam raya saya. Twigim udong. Haha :p

Assalamualaikum

Bad Day :D

2010-09-08T19:25:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Moral of today's story : Jangan berlagak. Hahaha. Tu la siapakah suruh pergi mengiklankan bahawa telah mendapat rumah cantik kepada orang lain, kan dah. A bad day indeed. Haha. Tak tau macam mana nak gelak lagi. Sebab macam kelakar lah bukan. Fate memang funny. Selain containing puzzles yang memecahkan kepala untuk disolve. Is it this way, or is it that way. And even after you provided your answer, you still won't know whether or not it is the correct one. All you can do is to make the best out of any situation later on.

Did you know I lost 2 kgs? So much of gaining weight during camp *roll eyes*.

Assalamualaikum

Tuesday with Me

2010-09-07T18:09:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Tak ada post untuk hari Isnin sebab hari Isnin penat melampau. Hari ini lebih penat dari hari Isnin. Soalan : Kira tahap kepenatan untuk hari ini.

Tiba-tiba rindu sekolah XD

Sekarang sedang melarikan diri dari makan malam bersama rakan sekerja dengan mengatakan perlu ke pejabat agen perumahan. Tapi sembunyi di rumah dan akan ke agensi perumahan jam 7 nanti. Sebab itu menulis dalam bahasa melayu penuh. Kalau rakan sekerja berjumpa blog ini tak adalah kantoi. Haha :p

Eh tak lama lagi hari raya. Bagaimana dengan persiapan raya anda? Baju raya saya berwarna fluorescent yellow. Sangat striking. Dan tertera di belakang "Pelatih Industri". Hahahaha. At least uniform pekerja kilang yang polo hitam atau green plaid itu lebih menarik dari baju kami. Walaupun begitu, saya suka kerjaya saya. Oh masih tak dapat percaya sebenarnya berada di division tersebut. Mungkin selepas seminggu akan mula percaya.

Saya suka compact powder saya yang baru, tapi kenapakah make up mesti dijual dalam kadar banyak? Macam hari2 pakai bedak yang sama bukankah macam bosan? Tapi berasa gembira facial wash macam berkurang secara cemerlang. Bukti saya rajin cuci muka :p

Sekian untuk hari ini :)

Assalamualaikum

Daily Updates

2010-09-05T21:36:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Hari Ahad datang dengan pantas nampaknya. Actually I was thinking of writing the short story I wrote at Sapyo class during the first semester of third year. Ok I wrote it in Korean tapi berhasrat menulis semula dalam bahasa Inggeris. Tapi menjadi malas. Haha. Tak tahu kenapakah hari ni macam sangat ngantuk. Boleh tidur kat food court sementara tunggu makcik tailor masuk kerja. Oh tidur SAHAJA di food court ok. Jangan fikir bukan-bukan. Oh mahal sungguh bayaran tailor sampai kena makan maggi buka puasa, tapi memang puas hati. Ok, tipu di situ. Makan maggi bukan sebab dah habis duit bayar tailor. Lebih kepada tak tau nak makan apa seorang diri.

By the way, the peep-toe 4-inched heels itu memang tidak selesa langsung. Sebab hari ini saya jalan kaki ke Home Plus dengan red platforms with almost the same height, tapi kaki langsung tak sakit. Siap lari kejar traffic light lagi. See, sangat boleh handle.

Oh hari ini juga mandi hujan 2 kali. Saya kata pada Mosh saya mandi hujan lalu beliau tidak heran langsung. Kata beliau, biasalah tu, saya memang malas pakai payung. Haha apakah tak simpati langsung.

Baiklah, mulai esok hari kena keluar rumah jam 7. Sebab tak tau lokasi tempat yang harus pergi. Tapi boleh pakai sneakers. Yippie yayy~~

Assalamualaikum

The Thing I Worry About

2010-09-04T13:12:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Baiklah. Being placed at XXX Division can hardly be called a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing at all sebenarnya. Cuma tak tau kenapa macam nak gelak setiap kali I think about it. Mulai sekarang tak ada masa merisaukan perkara lain. Cuma ada masa merisaukan karier. Sebab sebelum ni, bila membuat planning masa depan untuk karier, saya merancang mengikut division lain. Dan tiba-tiba division lain datang di depan mata. Haha. Betul-betul cuma akan risau how will I fair on my job from now on.

Mosh kata, jangan risau belum ada orang mati lagi setakat ni. Quit mungkin, tapi tak adalah mati. Maka tak perlu risau. Haha tapi risau juga. Mana mungkin tak risaulah bukan. Oh hari ini Mosh buat statement kelakar. Di mana beliau menyatakan saya mempunyai keazaman yang tinggi. Menurut beliau, kalau saya tak suka saya akan kata saya tak suka. Macam sikit berciri orang Korea di situ. Menurut beliau la. Beliau pula berciri orang Malaysia di mana walau tak suka pun akan diam dan tahan sahaja. Er tapi beliau bercakap benar. I speak my mind, most of the time, when I feel like what I think matters.

Saya tak ada duit raya tahun ini. Tapi berharap adik-adik dan anak-anak saudara menghargai duit raya yang akan saya beri kelak sebab saya memerah keringat betul-betul demi duit raya anda semua.

Selamat hari raya dari perantauan. Haha statement sedih.

Assalamualaikum

Surprises

2010-09-04T04:52:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

4.52 a.m in the morning and will be out sending Mosh to airport some time soon. You'll notice I removed my chatbox due to some spams and add in my little dreams. The list of things that I want yet I don't hope someone else would give it to me. Er my SFC for instance, can't be given by someone else :p. We'll see how much time I'll take to get myself everything on the list.

I told you fate is funny right? I don't know whether to laugh or cry. But I haven't cried yet and I laughed a lot. This year is getting more exciting. More unexpected things coming my way and the more I become uncertain of what the future holds for me. It's scary, but exciting too.

힘을 내 봐, 용기를 내 봐
너라면 할 수 있어
눈부시게 빛 날꺼야
너라면 할 수 있어

p/s : sometimes it amazes me how close I am to myself, that at times I feel like no one can comfort me or give me encouragement better than myself can.

Assalamualaikum

Life is Fabulous

2010-09-03T13:12:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Tan taraaaa~~

Tak berapa tahu tan tara tu ape tapi berasa nak membuat bunyi-bunyian. Maka.... haha :p. Weekend ini tak mahu pegi mana-mana walaupun Isnin cuti. Tipu. Harus pegi ke airport dan kemudian ke DYTC. Sepatutnya turun ke Seoul beramah mesra dengan junior2 tapi entah kenapa tiba-tiba jadi pemalu. Hahaha. Last week waktu buka puasa kat embassy pun saya sembunyi belakang junior 83 time diorang bersalaman dengan junior bawahan. Haha. Apakah punya segan tak tau nak cakap. Lagi segan bila Hanim asyik introduce saya sebagai super super super senior. Macam tua sangat bukan? Bukan.

Sejak semalam tak tahu nak berasa apa. But all over macam nak tergelak sahaja. Fate is funny. Life is surprising. Accept good things with a smile and bad things with a laugh. Things will be more easier that way.

I should think I am lucky, shouldn't I? Alhamdulillah :)

Assalamualaikum

Quick One

2010-08-31T21:27:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Quick night post while cooking. Mosh commented on the pimples I have nowadays. Well, it's not like I never got any pimples before, just that nowadays they are more pronounced than ever. It started during camp and some had gone away for good and some keep coming back again and again. Question is, why? Well, I think the answer would be I didn't daydream half as much as I do now. I don't remember daydreaming much through classes at school. When I was bored, I would scribble on papers or observed what others did. But I guess I daydream too much nowadays. Thus, the extra oil emission.

I have this one thing I want so badly since... um.. well let say long ago. And yes I'm going to try my best to get it ASAP. I made up my mind, and I decided on it. Now is time for action =)

Assalamualaikum

The Real World

2010-08-31T13:05:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

The more time I spend in wonderland in the company of Little Wonders, the more I realized that this is REAL. My wonderland is. And as much as dreamland is beautiful, I cannot make it part of wonderland if it's not real.

Mekdi commented on how unpredictable I am these days. Yeah, I know there are the sudden craving for high heels and make-ups. Not to mention the desperation for Escada Rockin Rio. I asked her was I that predictable before and she said 'sort of'. I know now I was. I was always on the safe side of everything, valuing stability over risk - except when I'm playing at my strength, and I was always logical. I weighed the pros and cons and always sensible in picking my choice over things.

But this year, things had gone totally different. It started with some months of unemployment, filled with uncertainties of what to do and where my future is. But I have to admit. Wonderland is real. And I'm thankful for that.

Assalamualaikum

Points Update

2010-08-30T16:13:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

- Over at the company and is having 25 minutes break.

- Am having stomachache.

- My house is extra messy and Mekdi is arriving SOON. (you know how Mekdi is like a warden to me T.T)

- Am going to have fabulous dinner (and coffee afterwards hopefully!)

- Will try walking to company on high heels tomorrow. Haha :p

- Want some nice cotton pants and Escada Rockin Rio and My Little Phony and some cool jackets.

Assalamualaikum

Self-Destruction

2010-08-29T09:02:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm feeling ugly. Like I don't belong in wonderland anymore where everything is prettily pretty.

There are grudge, hatred, loathing... all the ugly feelings, you name it.

And most worrisome of all is the self-destructive instinct.

Little Wonder Mardhiah Sabri, will you come home fast plox?

Assalamualaikum

Dilemma of a Shopaholic

2010-08-26T17:05:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Tiba-tiba terbeli satin heels tersebut. Maaf. Haha. Sebenarnya memang dah lama mahu pink satin heels. Walaupun tak pernah bermimpi nak yang setinggi ni :p Dan tak berapa tahu bila baru boleh pakai, tapi tak apa. Mungkin satu hari nanti bila saya dah terer bertumit tinggi, saya boleh pakai. Atau mungkin akan ada function di mana saya akan pergi dinner di hotel lima bintang with plush carpet everywhere dan dijemput dihantar pulang dengan kereta. Kalau tak banyak jalan macam itu mungkin boleh handle. Anyway the pair is just gorgeous.

Wishlist : Escada Rockin Rio. Sapakah baik hati nak tolong belikan? Tolonglah. Mosh dalam nada bergelak ketawa telah mengingatkan saya bahawa saya masih perlu shopping seluar dan jaket/cardigan untuk bekerja. Maka tak mungkin boleh pegi membeli perkara lain sebelum dua perkara tersebut. Maka sekali lagi. Tolonglah. Escada Rockin Rio ye? :p

Perkara ketiga. Baik. Jual mahal ye. Tak apa. Tak apa. Kita tengok nanti. Tapi nantilah. Sekarang belum boleh tengok lagi. Sekarang kena pergi ke pasar tengok ikan.

Assalamualaikum

Growing Up

2010-08-24T11:38:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

First day of break and I'm spending my time trying out the make-up I bought last night. When I first got the job, my sister told me I'll be having my first make-up set soon. So here I am, trying everything. And I have to say I'm getting good at eyelining. Must be from the time spent looking at Bibik applying hers. My little sister is waaayyy better than me in many things. I quite like the final look except my skin look extra dry.

Anyway, Mosh and I celebrated his belated birthday. Seafood for dinner and I bought him a polo shirt that he wanted before we went off shopping for my stuff. I bought quite a bunch of things and especially like the red platforms. The cream heels are pretty too but the red platforms rock. Mosh went all since-when-did-you-like-high-heels? and I pointed out that I wasn't used to like make-ups too but now I do. There is the whole corporate image thing, remember?

Yeah I better get back to my chores.

Assalamualaikum

Back from Camp

2010-08-23T17:31:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I remembered the day I flew back to Korea, I touched very little of my breakfast. The steward asked me if I would want nasi lemak instead. I said no. Playfully, he replied, "Berlagak eh." I returned the comment with a laugh. I got back to writing the yellow visitor's form. It felt awkward filling it in. In the past, I did not so much as glanced at it, considering registered residence doesn't have to fill visitor's form. But at that time, I was flying without my residential card.

At the space marked occupation, I hesitated. The E word wasn't really something I got used to using. So does writing my place of work. Actually, I'm still not used to say anything about working.

Remember when I said I went to camp. Well, I didn't actually went into the forest or up the mountain or even to remote area. And I didn't sleep in tent or with 11 other people in a dormitory filled with double-deckers. I shared my so-called 'dormitory' with another girl and it has the most fabulous beds. White spreadsheet and fluffy white duvet and even fluffier pillow. The maintenance cleaned our private bathroom, replace the towels and clear the trash on daily basis. At least I thought so. I never really knew. All I knew is that the bathroom was always clean, the towels were always fresh and the trash bin was cleared whenever we returned to our room. The cafeteria served the most delicious pastry bread (triple heart the butter!) and cream soup (mushroom or corn or vegetables). It has indoor golf facilities, running machines and sauna.

There was a grand piano at the lobby, super-comfy sphere-shaped couches, and real exotic plants in the lobby. It was far from a camp, admittedly. It was actually an in-house training center.

My team at camp consisted of 19 people including me and I'm the only engineer among the girls. So I came as strikingly different than them. Cultural background, appearance, personality and outspokenness wise. Does the word outspokenness even exist? I'm too lazy to check the dictionary now. Will check it later. After all, my roommate did tell me my Korean pronounciation is better than my English pronounciation. Haha.

I had my first paycheck and realized how many things I had to buy and wonder if I will be able to save any of it. Another training will start Monday next week, so I have 6 days in total to spend money. Haha kidding.

It's nearly six over here so I guess I'll stop babbling now. See you soon.

Assalamualaikum

2010-08-14T16:55:00.001+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm back at camp.

It's raining heavily outside.

I feel really light.

A part of me has left.

My heart.

I'll take it from here.

Assalamualaikum

2010-08-10T20:01:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Dear self,

I know things has not been easy for you. It has been a week since you arrived at wonderland. And nothing is the same. Well, at least, not you. I'm sorry I had to drag you to senses. I can't afford to let you get lost in a dream. Least of all, that dream.

I know you are hurt. I know you feel like kicking me. I know you are mad at me beyond anything.

But I also know that you know I did it for your own good. And you did say you agree. Even if it was maybe less than half-heartedly.

Please know that I love you and no matter how hard things will turn out to, I will always be there for you.

I hope you enjoy wonderland from this brand new perspective =)

Assalamualaikum

Live Update

2010-08-07T19:13:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

As posted on FB, I am still alive in case you are wondering.

Camp is GREAT.

Assalamualaikum

Packing Dilemma

2010-08-04T23:06:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Am going to camp in a few hours time.
Too lazy to pack.
I just realized I don't have much dull-colored clothing >.<

Assalamualaikum

In Wonderland

2010-08-04T13:29:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm back in wonderland and every bit panicked. Because I am supposed to be at Anguk 7.30 a.m tomorrow. And I just realized the dress-code is every bit strict. Duh.

Ok, I admit as I was waiting for boarding I kept staring at the gate, feeling like running out. Lucky me, there was Dira and she kept giving words of encouragement. I must have looked like a kiddie coz everybody paid extra attention to me. The steward even ask me if I would like the nasi lemak when he saw me touching very little of my omelette. And lucky me again, the seat next to me is empty so I can have a nice cozy bed to sleep on. I was thinking I need to get to wonderland ASAP else I would feel like regretting everything.

Wonderland was warm when I landed. I didn't expect midsummer to be of this weather. I was never in wonderland around August. I was sleepy the whole day. But I went straight to Immigration Office from the airport. Lunch was KFC. And shopped a bit for camp at which I felt like going for a school trip. Mosh and I went to watch Inception where I fell asleep in the middle of the movie despite the explosion and gunshot. Apparently, the story is boring second way around and I was extremely tired. Emotionally.

I just cooked Maggi and judging on the gloomy lights streaming from the window, it looks like it's going to rain soon.

See you at camp.

Assalamualaikum

The Reason

2010-08-02T16:22:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Things happen for a reason. And I believe that my life is fair. I don't get all I wish for, but I am given wonderland. The place to live my dream and heal my pain.

"It's all about the destination. The journey is immaterial," - Kate Hemmingway in You're the One that I Don't Want.

How many times a day do we think it doesn't matter how it ended, as long as we go on the journey? In my life, there are several times when I think the journey itself doesn't matter at all. Remember when I needed an A+ badly in Fluid Mechanics? And I really think I did well in the exam only to find out later that my marks is only around average, which means a B or B+. Yet when the results came out I still got an A+. And what about the A+ in CAD when I didn't even submit my mid-term paper? And the visa I ended up getting after some struggles and countless tears. Sometimes we get things the easy way. And sometimes we have to go to every extent that we can. But in the end, I believe, Allah gives us what we deserve and what is good for us. And at this very moment I am endlessly grateful I was given wonderland, despite my doubt earlier of whether or not to go. I was given the chance with a reason. And I know now what the reason is.

Alhamdulillah for this life I'm living :)

My flight is in less than eight hours. I hope I have a safe journey and the summer sunshine of wonderland will greet me at the other side of the six-hours flight.

Assalamualaikum

Less than 24 Hour

2010-08-02T00:35:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I FINALLY wrote the official letter. Well, anything official is so not me. Anyway, I haven't packed. Can you believe it? It's less than an hour before my flight and I haven't chuck anything into the suitcase. Um, yeah I kind of happy to finally go home, but I can't help thinking what's waiting for me on the other side of the six-hours flight.

I finally found my senses and I came to realize that my senses must be the most cruel part of me. It kept throwing cold, harsh reality into my face just so I would come back from dreamland. In sorting between sensible and insensible things to do, it completely disregards my feelings over the matter and gave me only the blacks and whites of thing. It left me wondering was I always this heartless when running a logical judgment. I guess this is the thing about science. It sometimes makes you put the facts before the feelings.

I went to my ex-classmates' wedding yesterday. Um yeah plural. Both the bride and groom were my ex-classmates. Met lots of people from school. I have to say I did have an awesome circle of friends back in high school. And their awesomeness tripled over the years we did not meet. I can't help getting all giggled over their jokes. When I looked back to the times we spent at high school, I never expected we were going to have such mature conversation as an adult.

I'm going to be locked up at camp for three weeks starting the coming Thursday and I don't know if they'll allow fb or blogspot over there. But I'll keep myself connected as much as I can. And this is my promise to self : I won't be coming back until I am perfectly trained to groom myself immaculately, able to drive and able to wear contact lenses.

And mom asked me to come back on December for Farid's wedding. That left us with not much time right :p

Assalamualaikum

Morning Ramblings

2010-07-30T09:02:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ok, I finished the assignment yesterday at about 9 something at night. After some cheating. Um well, you can't really call it cheating. No one said I cannot skip the video. Anyway, there's just left one more thing to do, so...

I really have to go get my shopping done today. Else mom would be ballistic. I need at least 2 more shirts and some groceries.

I am still yawning and my lids are heavy times ten, but I can't go to sleep anymore. Restless stomach, again. I have to say I don't fancy carbohydrate. Everytime I think about eating rice, I go urghh. Roti kadang-kadang laa. And sometimes I just eat mihun and kuayteow.

Ok let's admit. I'm a spoilt brat. I spoil myself more than other people spoil me. And people do spoil me a lot. But I can be very strict with myself too when I need myself to focus and be sensible.

Ok my head is spinning and I'm sleepy. I'm going to try sleep one more time :D

Assalamualaikum

My Dictionary

2010-07-28T20:47:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ok. 3rd post for today. Hard not to when all you do is staring at the computer from 8 something in the morning up till now.

Heart had been restless. Maybe because stomach is hungry. Oh I ate Maggi for lunch. And I finished the noodles. How cool was that? Yesterday I finished my 6 inch subway and I even devoured everything of my KFC snack plate. Except the bun, of course. I guess my appetite is back. Good.

I realized that the definition of a few words in my dictionary contradicts general definition. Well, that's not simply because I hate being ordinary, but rather in my day-to-day life, I found a new perspective of seeing things. No, there is no such word as BFF in my dictionary. There are Specials, VVIP and Little Wonders though. And lately, I have been wondering on the definition of love. Who doesn't? That word is not particularly an easy one to define.

Aaahhhh I'm just starting on session 11. I guess the reason I'm writing is just so I can keep myself sane. I hope Friday comes quickly. Because Friday is the deadline of EVERYTHING. And when Friday comes, I must have finish doing all the works XD

Assalamualaikum

The Tale of the Unbreakable

2010-07-28T14:34:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ok I reallllyyyy feel like writing a short story right now. But I can't. I'm not even halfway through the assignment yet. *Sigh*

If I am able to write one, the title of the short story would be "The Tale of the Unbreakable". Oh don't bother asking what the story would be about. I haven't think about that yet. But I know that that title will make a good story.

If everything goes well, I'm going to finish Module 2 of 2nd part tonight at 11.30 p.m. That is assuming I don't eat anything or go anywhere outside the house.

I so much want to write a story, pretty with-fresh-cream-and-cherries-on-top please.

Assalamualaikum

About the Future

2010-07-28T10:20:00.004+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm trying NOT to think about how much fun Bibik and Nadia will be having at KLCC-Times Square-Pavillion today. I have 2 days before deadline and I still have a bunch to do. Never mind. I'll get myself something decent when I finish everything. I'm trying to numb myself from any feelings and concentrate on my assignment, but apparently that is kind of hard to do.

Anyway, you'll realize I'm all-over the place lately. I have been constantly moving. KL to BP majorly. But also to other places as well. I realized now how many things I still haven't done so although everything is going well currently, I'm heading home next week.

If you ask me now, I'll still say I don't know anything about my future. I know now that no one does. But I hope there are some things good in store for me.

Assalamualaikum

Sunny Day

2010-07-25T17:09:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Pergi membeli langsir bersama emak di Tangkak tengahari tadi. Kedai kain tersebut pasang lagu raya. Tiba-tiba rasa macam nak nangis. Haha. Sudah berapa kalikah saya tak ada beraya di Malaysia?

Pernah suatu masa seorang rakan sepasukan bertanya pada saya, "Why do you have so many fears?" Ya, saya memang seorang penakut. Saya takut bugs, height, speed, dark dan bermacam-macam lagi. Lalu saya jawab pada dia, "Because I'm a girl." Ok, saya tahu jawapan tak boleh pakai. Apatah lagi dikemukakan oleh seorang perempuan berjurusan Kejuruteraan Mekanikal. Zatul is more of a lady than me and yet she could single-handedly and heartlessly kill every bugs I found scary in my room. Jawapan sebenar adalah, "Because I have as much self-confidence as a wet rag."

Anyway, I promised to improve myself and try to be perfect. Ok, no one is perfect but there's nothing wrong in trying to be better.

And the first on my list is : drive. I just HAVE to swallow everything and get myself behind the wheel. Sebab not being able to drive is soooo NOT cool. And sometimes having to ask other people to drive me around seem just not right. I sometimes do wish I can drive. But when I return to wonderland and the need of driving return to zero, I forget all about my will to drive. Ok this is serious. I'll reward myself 5 books of my choice if I can bring myself to drive outside Taman Kantan Permai. And with speed more than 40kmph. :D

I am babbling now, am I not? I guess I'll see you later then.

Assalamualaikum

Worries

2010-07-24T23:42:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Well, broadband is not behaving well currently, so I decided to do my assignment later. When I'm back in Kajang.

I am positively worried of myself. Less then two weeks left and my appetite has been declining super fast since..um.. Monday. Should I blame it on the Laksa Penang at Mid Valley Food Court? It's not that I am having a not-so-good time that I don't feel like eating. In fact, Monday was when I actually laughed a lot and had fun after some very-depressing time. I went out with Bibik and her two friends and it was awesome. We laughed macam nak pengsan while searching for an empty parking lot. And bed-talked later at her friend's and ended with Bibik skipping class because it was too late for her to go, anyway. Bibik bought me chicken strips from BBQ Chicken and Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks because I was a bit down due to my um.. problem. I have such a wonderful younger sister, you have to remind me to buy her something when my first paycheck comes out. But I realized that that was about everything I ate that day.

Tuesday saw me sipping sup tulang and one piece of begedil for lunch and not-finishing my kuetiaw goreng for dinner. Wednesday was when I had GCB for lunch and didn't finish the fries and eating half of roti telur for dinner (I agreed to go for dinner because Boyot was threatening me). Thursday, I ate three small pieces of chicken for lunch and no dinner at all. Friday, we had lunch at O'Briens where I only managed to finish half of my chicken wrap and I only took a couple of sip of my Maggi Sup. The thing is, I feel hungry yet I don't feel like eating anything. And the weird thing is my ring is tightening around my finger. It even leave marks on it now. Well anyway, I'm worried because less than two weeks left and I am supposed to be keeping fit.

I told you, you wouldn't want to listen to my worries.

So on a happy note, if everything goes well, I'm returning to wonderland this Thursday. Yes, Thursday. And I haven't shop for anything.

I see you later then, when I'm less worried.

Assalamualaikum

Nearing The End

2010-07-23T09:37:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Um... I think I'm not being myself currently. If I am, I would have finished all the things I should be doing since a few days ago. I just need to get a serious smack on my head so that I would just stop day-dreaming. Somebody, hit me please!

Anyway, things have been going well. A few ups and downs but hardly count as hardships. I actually do enjoy going around with Bibik. But well, as I picked up the book at MPH last Monday while I was out with Bibik and her friends, for the how-many times I realized why I do need to get myself a job. Books are expensive. And I always need lots of those T.T. And I want to continue my piano lesson. So a week left. I hope everything is going to be this well.

I hope today is going to be a fabulous day :)

Assalamualaikum

Grateful

2010-07-21T10:21:00.001+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Hari yang cerah. Diharap semua baik-baik saja.

I'm grateful for this life I'm living.

Thank you, Allah :)

Assalamualaikum

Cooking Me

2010-07-18T11:41:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Saya akan memasak hari ini. Ya, sudah lama tak ada memasak. Hampir satu bulan setengah. Goreng frozen food atau boil spaghetti tak termasuk kira. Menolong emak memasak juga tak masuk. The thing is, memasak bukan di dapur sendiri macam ada sikit pelik. Macam membuat 3D drawing menggunakan komputer di sekolah. Macam sangat pelik dan lambat. Literally lambat. Sebab tak tau tools berada di mana. Ada toolbar yang ada, ada toolbar yang tak ada. Maka akan menghabiskan masa mengorek di sana sini. Memasak di dapur orang lain pun boleh tahan sama, mungkin.

Bercerita tentang memasak, saya sudah tahu kenapakah tak boleh komplen bila dapat gred sebegitu rupa dalam subjek Baeryo. Sebenarnya saya tak ada komplen langsung, tetapi telah ketawa dengan seronok. Flunk sorang-sorang memang sedih. Tapi kalau flunk secara beramai-ramai adalah perkara yang kelakar. Sama macam flunk add math bersama-sama semua rakan sekelas waktu Form 4. Oh bagaimanapun, saya deserved gred itu kerana sebenarnya.. um.. saya telah ponteng kelas tersebut sekali. Ya, ponteng. Dalam ertikata tanak datang. Instead, saya pergi memasak nasi ayam di rumah junior. Haha. Jadi memang deserved gred itu.

Baiklah. Mahu pergi menonton tv. Eh, bagaimana dengan memasak? Nantilah. Haha.

Assalamualaikum

:?

2010-07-17T11:48:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I am on a whirlwind of emotion right now, and I don't think I'm going to be down anytime soon. It isn't even eleven yet and I already wish I am in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come.

The latest of emotion involves me being furious with myself for being a coward I am. I feel like kicking myself. Umm.. no. I don't kick others when I'm mad at them, only when I'm mad at myself.

When I didn't hear anything within the week, I assumed things were going well. If not, I would've heard about the bad news, right? But when I didn't hear anything up till today, I started to feel anxious. I'm using all the strength I still have in me to stay positive. You know how extra-negative I am towards many things. But I'm trying not to be for this one.

I guess I'll just get back to sleep. Or is anyone up for coffee?

Assalamualaikum

Happy Birthday

2010-07-14T13:05:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

SELAMAT HARI LAHIR,
MOHD ZULIDZHAM

Ya, saya tak ada untuk menyambut hari lahir beliau. Juga tak ada membeli hadiah sebab saya dah hampir bankrap. Berharap beliau sabar menanti gaji pertama saya walaupun tak berapa tau nak belikan hadiah apa dah. Mungkin beliau mengharapkan sebiji R6 tapi mungkin lebih baik saya membelikan beliau sehelai baju hujan. Atau penyumbat telinga kaler biru yang beliau bawa pulang dari kilang tempoh hari.

Saya masak bubur ayam hari ini. Pada kebiasaannya, saya memasak bubur ayam ketika saya berasa I-am-not-well-and-feeling-neglected-so-I-decided-to-pamper-myself. Tak tahu kenapakah bubur ayam macam sangat berciri kasih sayang.

Stomach has been a bit restless this morning. It twists itself into a knot, a lot. I wonder what makes it feel so.

Assalamualaikum

Rough Time

2010-07-09T10:53:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Akhir-akhir ini saya sedang melalui rough time. Badai ombak melambung semua ada. Sudah berapa hari bangun tidur rasa nak nangis. Ok tipu saja. Baru hari ini berasa nak menangis. Hari sebelum-sebelum ini telah sengaja melumpuhkan hati sendiri agar tidak berperasaan. Er tapi hari ini perasaan macam sedikit berterabur maka terapi yang digunakan pada hari-hari sebelum ini tidak berkesan. Tidak, saya tak memerlukan shopping sebagai terapi. Sebab dengan rasionalnya telah tahu terapi tersebut berkesan buat jangkamasa pendek saja. Adakah harus give up dan berkahwin saja? Oh tapi tak boleh give up. Give up adalah sifat yang buruk untuk diamalkan. Kalau berkahwin itu boleh. Sebab itu amalan baik. Benda baik tak elok dilambatkan. Haha. Tiba-tiba.

Mendengar OST Cinderella Sister berulang kali. Sebab lagu tersebut macam menyayat hati. Maksud saya melodinya. Lirik macam tak ada kaitan. Tapi tak apa. Asal melodi mensiat hati saja sudah boleh pakai. Kemudian boleh melayan perasaan sedih. Tapi belum seperti Lilo yang mengunci dan memaku pintu rumah dan memberitahu kakak beliau, "Leave me alone to die." Haha. Itu hyper nama dia.

Bukankah kata sedang sedih? Kenapa banyak ketawa pula? Habis, tak kan membawa mood sedih kepada pembaca yang tak sedih. Walaupun saya sedih, anda semua haruslah menikmati hari yang gembira ya. Sekian :D

Assalamualaikum

Rutin Ahad

2010-06-27T20:59:00.002+09:00

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Hari ini bermula dengan um.. biasa. Biasa-biasa. Rutin hari Ahad. Macam dah banyak sangat hari Ahad yang dilalui di rumah dengan emak dan Ardini. Padahal macam baru 2 kali. Ke 3 kali entah.

Emak, bapa, Ardini dan saya pergi melawat abang bapa. Merangkap pakcik saya. Saya dah agak terlupa berapa jauhkah Bekuk dari rumah saya. Oh rupanya memang jauh. Sebaik masuk ke Kg Panca Jaya (saya harap nama tersebut betul) tersebut, kepala terus pening lalu saya pergi tidur :p. Walaupun begitu, berperasaan bahawa jalan dalam kampung tersebut sangat seronok dibuat track ATV. Ardini mengeluarkan komen, "Kenapa dia tanam pokok ni kat sini." terhadap semak-samun dan belukar di sekitar.

Pulang ke rumah dengan badan sedikit panas maka saya pergi tidur. Lagi. Bangun tidur dengan kepala yang lebih pening dari sebelum tidur. Mungkin sebab tak berapa biasa tidur petang.

Walaupun begitu, as the day goes on I felt a whole lot lighter. And happier.

Eh sekarang saya tahu apakah yang saya nak cerita tempoh hari tentang Jonker Street. Kan saya kata Akmar membeli kebaya. Dia menyebabkan saya berasa sangat out of place. Er macam si stuck-up yang tak tahu bersosial. Sebab she looked perfectly comfortable having light chats with everybody. From the guy yang jaga parking lot to makcik kedai. Macam sangat pandai beramah-mesra dan menyebabkan saya berasa I can never be half as good at socializing as her. Tapi mungkin sebab beliau ialah cikgu. Bukankah cikgu memang pandai beramah-mesra. Tengok Kak Awin :D.

Assalamualaikum

Melaka Trip

2010-06-25T15:24:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Been a few weeks kan? Or was it a month?

Nothing much to tell. Ok there are a lot to tell. But I guess I leave the worries to closed ones. I don't think you'd want to listen to me babbling about something so trivial. Random thing about me : I can freak about something which normal people don't freak about. Paranoid. Sometimes I think so of myself.

I'm writing because I promised Akmar a post about my trip to Melaka. Didn't do much actually. We went to Jonker Street (was it the name of it? told u I wasn't really particular of such things) where Akmar insisted I buy myself a kebaya nyonya like she did. Of which I refused, of course. Saya pakai baju kurung pun tak sampai sepuluh kali setahun, possibility untuk pakai kebaya memang umm.. next to zero? Seingat saya, saya pakai kebaya tak lebih sepuluh kali seumur hidup kot. Then ke Mahkota Parade (where else?) where I bought myself a top supposedly for work. Then ke Dataran Pahlawan lepas tu tak larat nak jalan sebab tempat itu besar nak pengsan. Went back to her house where I went to bed at nine sebab tak tau kenapa ngantuk sangat. Returned home at ten plus in the morning.

That was about that, I guessed.

TTYL

Assalamualaikum

Late Post

2010-06-06T23:26:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Interesting comments at Seoul Indoor Games organized by PPMK :

Person 1 was greeting me.
Person 1 : Ko sekarang pakai biru je kan....
My reaction : *default*

Person 2 was watching Moshitta and Vincent playing double.
Person 2 : Sebab ni ke suka Zul? (ni refers to Moshitta's skill in badminton)
My reaction : *default*

Refer previous post for what default reaction means.
Congratulations Mosh and Vincent for the gold medals =)

It occurs to me that although I hope to be a better person, I certainly don't wish I am someone else.

I am home. Those who wants to meet up can call for appointment. Oh btw, I don't even have a cellphone right now.

Reach

2010-06-04T13:51:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

"I like your dream." The second guy from my right said as I was preparing to leave the room.

I smiled and said thank you. Pleased.

"Dreams can come true, you know," he smiled back. "Maybe," he added as an afterthought.

Reach for the stars, climb every mountain higher - S Club 7's Reach

Assalamualaikum

Weird Me

2010-06-01T16:24:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Saya selalu rasa multiplication operation itu suatu operation yang pelik. Sebab tambah tolak dan bahagi itu boleh dibayangkan tapi multiplication macam susah sikit. Mungkin orang kata contohnya ada 5 guni dan dalam satu guni ada 2 biji epal. Operasi mendarab adalah untuk mencari jumlah epal yang ada semuanya. Ok faham. Bawa contoh lebih saintifik sikit. Bila dibahagi force dengan area, anda dapat pressure. Maka fahamlah anda definisi pressure ialah force yang bertindak pada certain unit area. Tapi cuba bagi torque. Darabkan force dengan jarak. Menjadi N.m. Lepas tu macam tak berapa faham apakah torque itu sebenarnya. Sampai sekarang saya tak berapa jelas how the unit can explain what torque is.

Ok done with engineering problems. Mari melihat masalah dunia sebenar. There are many times when my first reactions to problems are laughing. Ketawa macam default reaction bila tak ada reaction spesifik lain. But ketawa itu doesn't mean I am happy with the situation at hands. It means I don't know how I should feel about it. It means 'status pending'. When I laugh at a problem it can mean the problem is too simple that I don't see any reason to worry about it, but it can also mean the problem is too complex that I don't know how to react. It's just me.

I haven't been feeling lighter than this since ages. Alhamdulillah =)

Assalamualaikum

Him Nae!

2010-05-30T15:30:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Well, being positive is not really my strong point.
Sedang saya down tahap 밑바닥 tiba-tiba seorang hamba Allah naik status di fb.
"Jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah."
Terdiam sekejap.
Istighfar.

Terima kasih kamu, walaupun tak berapa ingat siapa kamu.
Semoga saya tak lagi lupa tentang itu di masa hadapan.

Mekdi kata '화이팅. 끝까지."

Belum sampai hujunglah bukan?
Bukan sayakah yang kata pada junior selagi belum keluar result selagi itu jangan putus asa?

Sila doakan untuk saya secara sangat banyak ya.

Assalamualaikum

Perfection

2010-05-28T14:24:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

After all those times when I feel like giving up on wonderland, today I especially seriously think of giving up.
Siapa tau ada kerja kosong ke kat Malaysia?

Assalamualaikum

The Missing of School Years

2010-05-27T16:41:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I was going through my picture folder when one of my dormmates from high school remind me of high school life. I just have to say I had a fabulous school years. From primary school to lower secondary to upper secondary to varsity. I can't remember a time when I hoped I was not a student.

Primary school was ehem.. embarrassing. But I did enjoy it. It was the time when it was ok to be comot after eating tempe goreng. Back then I had absolutely zero idea why were my friends all thrilled to finally get to learn science subject. I wasn't a fan of science. Engineering was so not my ambition. Clearly because back then most students wanted to be engineers. I didn't know what engineers do and jumping into the pool clueless wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. I wanted to do something related to literature. Journalism, maybe.

Lower secondary was ehem... troublesome. Haha. The time when I continued being clueless about future. Having no exact ambitions except doing well in the next exam. Science still wasn't my favorite subject. But then again neither was geography. Especially when we had a strict teacher. Being on the caklempong team was fun. Skipping classes on purpose so that we could laze in the air-conditioned music room. Going over to Adeeb's and she cooked us lunch before all of us went for zapin practice. Hang out at Tasik Y with Dayah. Stupid fights with Izi :p

Upper secondary was ehem... there isn't one single word to explain it. It was many things into one. Burger supper at gazebo budi (or was it gazebo best?), almost got busted when spying upon somebody so my classmate and I was out of breath when we reached dining hall for supper; partly because of running and partly because we laughed to much, heart-pouring in front of girls toilet at third floor where I bonded with Dila and a few others, heart-pouring with Lisya on her bed (ouch, I miss her), the fun LK class over at Jatek etc. I could go on and on and on about upper secondary.

Matriculation was short but memorable enough. Um.. yeah memorable enough. I only got to go to class for a week anyway. But I was in the same room as Totin, my childhood friend.

Intec was ehem... laughable, I guess. Dinner roti canai berpinggan-pinggan siap tambah, playing swings at the playground; Diyana used to swing so high I could get dizzy just by looking at her, talking on the phone for hours with Zatul; that was how I bonded with her I guess, apart from the same addiction of mi goreng sebelah BSN.

SNU was ehem... another playtime. Why was my school years full of play again? But it got boring soon enough when there's nothing to do but sentence-constructing, article-summarizing and chinese-character-memorizing. But I do enjoy the chocolate waffle as well as the starcraft game :p

DYTC was ehem... fabulous. School. Shopping. School. Shopping. School. And shopping again. I guess I rarely do anything else. Except playing lineage :p

KU was ehem... was where I really learned to see things kot. It was where I learned to work hard and fell in love with science. It was where I learned to love reading my textbook and drink coffee. Where I learned to go to school library and look up for reference books.

My school years got less interesting as I neared the end. But I also grew up. At the end of it I see myself as not anymore the same person whom I was at the start. Not anymore clueless, not knowing what I would want to do. Not anymore a bitter person, grudging on others. One thing stays the same though throughout the years. I never hate exams and studying. The homework bothers me but certainly not the school, not the exams, not the studying. It made me realized the one thing I like : learning.

Assalamualaikum

You're Perfect

2010-05-26T09:03:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I did tell you I am semi-good at waiting kan. Now I have butterflies all over my stomach waiting for next week to come. Moshitta found my anxiety amusing. He doesn't see any reason for me to get all nervous for a day.

Anyway, I updated my iTunes yesterday and I just realized it started finding all music files in my computer again. So when I listened to my iPod on my bus ride I started to listen to all kinds of songs I never knew I have. Um.. one of it is the OST of The Clique. The one I posted on my fb wall. I like the song. About the insecurity of someone who is supposed to be just perfect. Oh well, I guess it depends on whether you measure perfection absolutely or relatively. Of course when you measure it absolutely, no one is absolutely perfect. But sometimes we do meet people who are relatively perfect when measured according to certain frames. Beauty frame, wealth frame, charisma frame and so on and so forth. I don't think everyone was born an average in all aspects. There must be something they are supposed to be good at. Maybe they just haven't found it yet.

You gotta know, so I'm gonna tell you.
You're perfect.

Assalamualaikum

8.04 a.m

2010-05-25T08:08:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I got up at 6.40 a.m and unable to get back to sleep. *Sigh* Guess I'll just get on with the translating work.

But seriously I'm yawning right now. Should I just go and try again.

So many things to do, so little time.

I can't wait.

Assalamualaikum

Post-Weekend

2010-05-23T10:33:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Post-weekend blast. Er blom habis lagi weekend. Tapi tak apa. Kita update hari ini juga. After lunch and nap over at Mekdi's we went out after maghrib for shopping spree. Er or rather, we accompanied Moshitta for his shopping spree. H&M got a bunch of nice clothes at a not-so-overrated price. Mekdi eyed a really cool bag. We both purposedly avoided Forever 21. Gilakah? We both don't have a 2 million won paycheck ok. At least not yet. So we were relieved to go to the men's floor at SPAO and watch Moshitta shopped. Ok it was kind of nice taking this and that from the rack and tried it and bring everything to the cashier without having to calculate whether or not we'll be overspending. Working is kind of fun in this perspective.

Went for badminton-playing the next day with Moshitta and Vincent. Badan macam nak berpecah-belah sekarang juga. Been what, 2 months since I last been on the court. And I didn't even wear my sport shoes so my feet ache from the running around. The three of us went for lunch afterwards at Otsal. We got half tandoori chicken, tandoori chicken roll, biryani, butter naan and lamb vindaloo. Makan sampai nak pengsan lalu balik dan tidur.

Oh ya, during lunch with Mekdi, we talked a bit about my playday. Mekdi told me that the only way to feel better about the ride is to let go. Do NOT, she said, hold tightly to the handbars. Just let go and let yourself fall freely. Uh well, apparently I hate having to let go and let myself out of control.

Assalamualaikum

Over at Mekdi

2010-05-21T17:52:00.002+09:00

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Had lunch date with Mekdi and dessert afterwards at um... Ssobom I guess was the name of the shop. I am never really particular about the name of restaurants or name of street or even the title on a blogpost. The cupcake was delicious but I managed to finish only half of the caramel macchiato. I ate a very small portion of lunch too. I was hungry but I seem to have a problem in my appetite. I was awake at 3.30 a.m last night, remember. Of course my body won't be functioning perfectly today.

I was thinking of writing more, but my head kind of not into it. I guess I'll just join Mekdi for a nap. Or maybe I'll start reading the book she just lent me.

Assalamualaikum

Rant at Three

2010-05-21T03:43:00.003+09:00

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Approximately 3.30 in the morning.
The idea of giving up on wonderland is dangerously tempting at the moment.
But I know I have to hold on.
It's something I would want to do.

Assalamualaikum

Heart-Thumping

2010-05-19T11:03:00.002+09:00

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Selamat pagi yang cerah semua. Selepas sehari berhujanan semalam hari ini agak cerah. Saya sedang bersarapan dan baru lepas membaca blog Chika. Oh bayi berusia dua tahun memang menakutkan. Macam boleh patah. Buat pengetahuan anda, saya takut memegang kucing. Bukan takut kucing. Takut memegang kucing. Sebab kalau patah macam mana. Langsung berasa takut juga memegang bayi. Macam lah takut memegang Jidin. Walaupun Jidin dah berbulan-bulan.

Eh apakah jenis sarapan pada jam sebelas pagi? Bukan selalu bersarapan jam sebelas. Cuma hari ini bangun agak lewat. Um sebab tidur kurang nyenyak. Papa kata pada saya, kerja keras itu bagus. Sebab kita akan lebih berselera waktu makan. Dan lebih nyenyak tidur. Sekarang saya tak ada kerja keras. Kerja paling keras pun ialah memasak di dapur. Mungkin sebab itu saya kurang berselera waktu makan dan kurang nyenyak waktu tidur. Mungkin. Tapi saya rasa sebab terpaling besar ialah sebab saya berfikir sangat banyak. Malam tadi sindrom heart-thumping datang lagi. Macam dah tidur lalu terjaga sebab dengar bunyi jantung berdegup. Kan kelakar. Saya pun tak tau apa kaitan thinking dengan heart-thumping waktu tidur, tapi bila saya worry too much over something mesti malam itu heart-thumping datang. Hasilnya, tidur yang kurang selesa. Sigh. Harus cepat bekerja keras barulah tak ada worry pasal benda kecil mungkin.

Assalamualaikum

Gloomy Days

2010-05-18T14:15:00.000+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Why do I always feel like going out and jumping around on rainy days? Probably because rainy days bring the lowly, gloomy mood. And to chase those away I have to do something active.

Saya menonton Adamaya episod terakhir hari ini. Sebab sepanjang minggu lepas tak boleh online tv3. Kenapa entah. Oh tapi episod akhir Adamaya taught me something new, gave me a new perspective. Memandang seorang lelaki bernama suami dari sudut yang saya terlupa memandang sebelum ini. Ya, saya tahu syurga seorang isteri itu terletak pada seorang suami. But rather than seeing it as layak-atau-tidak-seorang-isteri-itu-mendapat-syurga-itu-terpulang-kepada-keredhaan-suami I now see it as syurga seorang isteri itu ialah suami. Her husband is her paradise. Her joy and her happiness. Seorang isteri tak melayan seorang suami dengan baik sebab mengharapkan balasan syurga, but rather kerana seorang suami itu syurganya, kebahagiaannya. See. Macam sangat dalam. Sila berubah topik segera. Kalau tak nanti Saida Munira akan bertanyakan soalan lebih dalam. :D

I am bad at remembering faces. I picked this from both my parents, I think. Often there are times when people stop to say hi to me on the street and had a chat, and even after they leave I can seem to remember where did I meet them. Cruel kan?

The other day I was in the subway, and sitting not-exactly-across to me is a guy I think I met somewhere before. My mind was signaling that he is someone I met at somewhere important but I just can't seem to remember. I wanted to greet him but thought what if I got the wrong person. I tried to give him a small smile before I got off the train, but he was looking somewhere else. What if he's a future employer? The person who interviewed me? Ouch.

Anyway, after fourteen days, I just realized yesterday who was the girl that greeted me at the hospital the other day. I walked in and she waved excitedly at me, beckoning me to sit with her and her other chinese friends. I came and sat with them, having no idea what they were talking about since they spoke chinese. I kept thinking where did she know me considering the chinese candidates kept a lot to themselves during the interview. Yesterday it hit me. She was the girl that asked how was the interview when I was about to leave. I gave her some tips about what the interviewers might ask. Oh, well. You know, Didi, instead of having a phone that show name and cgpa when pointed to certain people, I wish it could show name and tell us where we met them before :D

Assalamualaikum

Happy Teachers' Day

2010-05-17T12:55:00.004+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I can't seem to be able to make up my mind on whether or not I'm good at waiting. At times I can wait 3 hours straight for an appointment and won't complain. Other times, such as now, I tend to refuse to do anything else till the waiting ends. Distraction. I need distraction. Badly. Huge one. Such as Movers and Fakers. Or maybe I should go to Kangnam and just grab the book.

What about the little project then? On hold. I have no sewing kit :p.

Oh Happy Teachers' Day. My parents were both teachers and one of my elder sisters is a teacher too. So is my little sister, Bibik, if you count part-timer at Kumon as teacher. But to me, each and everyone of the people surrounding me is a teacher. They taught me big and little things about life. Things I'll never know if I live on my own. You might be my enemy, you might be my friends and still you are my teacher. Thank you and thank you and thank you. Every one of you has helped in shaping the person I am today. And although I'm not near perfect enough a person, I hope I am at least a better one than I would be without you people.

Assalamualaikum

My Little Project

2010-05-14T09:24:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Oohh I forgot to mention that I just got a fabulous idea on my bus ride home yesterday. Many people sure know just how many clothes I've got. My fellow coursemate Yus, once claimed that he can never remembered if I worn a particular top before considering I have too many. Well, I have to say it's not as many as most girls have. And I threw away many of them when I packed last year, leaving me with approximately 2 boxes and 2 cabin luggages. One of the boxes are the winter wear and sweaters and jumpers. So yes, I don't think that is too many. You should know how happy I was seeing that it's not as many as others thought. When I told Moshitta, he said that I was just happy since it indicates that I can still buy more new clothes. Well, that is partly true. But I'm also happy because not all girls can claim that they don't have much outfits. Yay.

Anyway, about the supposed-to-be fabulous idea. I do have lots of oversized clothes. Moshitta hates them because they are too big for me. I love it because.. um well.. it is too big for me. Too big equals to comfy. There is rarely anything more comfortable to wear in the lab or workshop than the oversized stuffs. But now that I don't go to lab and workshop anymore (not to mention haven't been wearing sneakers for 2 months plus) and since I'm in need of new clothes (did I mention that the day before playday I sat among the piles of clothes I own and failed to find the one that I like much to wear?), I think I'll revamp my clothes. Yeah. Sort of cutting it and turning it into a totally different outfit. Don't worry, I have zero experience at making clothes. Unless you count stitching hems. But I succeeded once in re-making my kebaya. And I have tons of experience in cutting aluminum and L-frame, welding, drilling and putting the screws in place. Cutting clothes won't be a problem kan?

The first I'll work at is my dark green BBQ outfit. I already have something in mind for it. If I succeed I'll show it to you. If not, I guess I'll just have to buy the 5000 won light brown dress I saw yesterday as replacement. Tee-hee :p

Assalamualaikum

Drill and Playday

2010-05-13T15:08:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Dulu masa sekolah saya suka fire drill. It was an excuse to stop the on-going lesson and go outside to spend time chatting with friends while standing in lines. Bila dah besar, dah tak ada fire drill lah. Instead, today I had my first war drill in Korea. Pertama kali dalam enam tahun. Samalah macam pertama kali pergi Hiseoul dalam enam tahun :D. Sebelum ni mungkin cuma dengar the siren blaring while I was in the house. Sebab tinggal dengan orang Malaysia, mana tahulah bukan nak buat apa time war drill. But I was in the bus when we had the drill. The blaring of sirens and all cars stopped at the roadside, waiting. Mungkin juga bertujuan mengosongkan jalan so that kereta polis atau kereta kebal boleh lalu dengan mudah. Malaysia tak ada war drill, kan?

I had playday yesterday. At lotte world. Main bermacam-macam benda yang tak pernah terfikir nak main. Tertipu pergi masuk main Comet Express dengan rela hati sebab tak tau apakah jenis permainan tersebut. Bila train dah sampai depan mata baru berasa tanak naik. Tapi naik juga sebab orang lain dah tunggu. Tapi banyak-banyak mainan, yang terpaling horror ialah kapal itu. Kapal yang main swing-swing tu. At least Comet Express tu tutup mata je dah boleh psycho otak kata itu X-ride kat CGV. Tapi kapal tersebut macam mana tutup mata pun memang horror. I must be the only person who was scared sebab orang lain semua turun dengan gembira. Oh ye, semua permainan outdoor memang out of question lah untuk sya, bukan? Kecuali Comet Express.

Penat dan nak makan kebab. Mood kurang behave hari ni. Sekian.

Assalamualaikum

Another Weekend Out

2010-05-10T09:47:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Another great weekend out starting with Mosh, Vincent and I sunbathing at the City Hall grassy lawn at 2 p.m while watching the performance from various country, eating and drinking chocolate at a chocolatier at Hongdae, topped with us getting the wrong bus home and missed dinner because by the time we arrived, it was already eleven. My head was all dizzy from the bus ride and the taxi ride made it no better. I still had a headache when I woke up this morning so I decided to give myself a head massage. Feeling better. The weather yesterday was not too hot that you would sweat but bright enough to make me worry about getting burned. My face is already relatively darker and there are some pimples making its way out. But nothing major. Phewww.

Assalamualaikum

Laksa Yum

2010-05-08T12:06:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Akhirnya. Laksa johor. Tak berapa tau kenapa tiba-tiba rasa nak laksa. Tapi mengikutkan hati dan pergi memasak laksa. Samalah macam mengikut hati dan membeli sandwich telur, sandwich tuna dan takoyaki sekaligus untuk lunch. Saya memang pandai mengikut hati kalau sampai perihal makanan.

Oh ya. Tentang laksa johor. Saya rasa the challenge of cooking traditional food abroad lies in making the best out of everything I have. Contohnya, semalam tak ada lengkuas. Mana mungkin masak laksa johor tanpa lengkuas. Er tapi masak juga. Dan berusaha sedaya upaya menjadikan rasa laksa tersebut macam rasa laksa. Macam tak ada ingredient yang kurang langsung. Makan laksa dengan perasaan bahagia. Oh saya suka laksa. Tapi laksa terpilih saja. Laksa penang macam ada sikit pelik dimakan. Orang penang pun waktu pertama kali makan laksa johor berasa laksa johor pelik :D. Oh ya. Encik Jang tak suka makan laksa. Ini adalah fakta. Beliau mengaku sedemikian ketika mencuba makan laksa di Malaysia. Er, Encik Jang ialah cikgu bahasa Korea kami. Dalam bahasa lainnya, Jang Seonsaengnim.

Fakta random : Saya tak pernah makan cupcakes. Dan tak pernah teringin pun nak cuba makan. Sure they look cute, tapi macam tak berapa menyelerakan.

Fakta random 2 : Saya menghadapi kesukaran menukar perisa ubat gigi. I've been using the same toothpaste for about 9 years. Whenever I go for a sleepover at friends' houses I make sure I bring MY toothpaste along.

Jom pergi HiSeoul :D

Assalamualaikum

Syukur :)

2010-05-06T19:06:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm not really good at teamwork. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean I'm not good at co-operating with my co-workers. More in a sense that if my teammates slack off, I won't mind. Instead I'll put a whole lot of extra effort to get the job done as if it was done by the whole team instead of me alone. Not good since it didn't work well during our measurement lab when I was in DYTC. We got 3 or 4 people in our group. 1 showed up just once. Another was always late when he decided to show up. And the other always got out in the middle of the class. And since I was the type that does not mind, I did all the measuring test on my own and let them all copy my result. I was thinking as long as our group's results were good I'd be getting good grade. But, no. The instructor insisted that if your teammates slack off, it would affect your grade too. So it is your responsibility to urge your teammates to work hard. At twenty years old, I thought that was a bit unfair, since you could try to persuade them to come, but in the end it was up to them whether or not they would want to go. At twenty four years old, I think maybe the instructor was right. There is a reason why people do groupwork. The reason being you can never do it just as good on your own.

Alhamdulillah for everything. Serius. Saya bersyukur dengan segala apa yang saya ada. Kalau kamu mimpi makan pringles di malam hari; pringles yang heboh satu malaysia persoalkan status halalnya. Lalu kamu bangun dari tidur with the rich smell of sour and cream still lingering as if it was real. And when you go out you see the green bottle on the shelf of the shop. Along with the halal symbol from Jakim. Haruslah kamu rasa bersyukur kan? Rezeki. Saya beli dua botol. Alhamdulillah di atas semua kurniaan.

Assalamualaikum :)

My Favorite Word

2010-05-04T11:56:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Tahukah? Perkataan Korean yang saya paling suka ialah 싫어. Sebab... oh well, macam sangat comel. Mungkin depends kepada intonasi anda bercakap, tapi perkataan tersebut membolehkan anda berkata benci secara sangat comel.

Oh esok hari kanak-kanak. Apakah rancangan anda? Saya macam berasa taknak ke mana-mana. Sebab hari kanak-kanak adalah hari cuti di mana semua tempat pun dipenuhi manusia.

Sakit gigi lagi. Wisdom teeth (ya, plural.) saya sangat lambat keluar. Macam keluar secara perlahan-lahan. Sudah berapa tahun entah.

Assalamualaikum

Cinderella Sister

2010-04-30T14:04:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I am totally into Cinderella Sister right now. It's been long since I went head over heels with Korean drama. And I can't even skip this one right to the end to avoid the heart-wrenching drama. Because, well, the series is still on air. I especially love the way Eun-Jo likes to listen to her name being called by Ki-Hoon.

Isn't it amazing? How our names could sound very different when spoke by different people. Like it's a totally different word. I have people saying my name all the time. Except my family, most people call me by my full name. I'm so used to it that whenever I introduce myself to someone I just met I insist them to call me by my full name. Just like Eun-Jo, I think there can be only one person who can say the name correctly and send butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

Er, ya, Saida Munira. Saya cuma jiwang pada hari yang luar biasa saja. Dan hari ini luar biasa kerana saya tak dapat tidur malam tadi. Sekian :p

Assalamualaikum

Winter-Cold Wind

2010-04-29T11:20:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Can I be all lazy and eat Maggi for lunch please? And I'm even too lazy to cook it the correct way. It doesn't even taste half as good when I do so.

Mekdi requested Saturday night dinner but I'm still thinking whether or not to go. The weather is winter-cold lately and the strong wind is blowing everywhere. I won't want to have to go to the toilet every few minutes like the last time we had dinner together. Siryes Sinchon itu sejuk.

Oh I like the OST Adamaya. Especially the part of "kau yang ilhamkan bahagia, hingga aku terasa indah". I think the words are well-put together. Dan saya bukanlah orang bunga-bunga. Saya ialah engineering school graduate. We deal with things the simplest most straightforward ways we can. Cuma kadang-kadang lagu bunga-bunga ada yang memang cantik. Macam OST Boys Over Flowers entitled Do You Know?.

Ok I have to go cook some Maggi. My stomach is rumbling yet again.

Assalamualaikum

Of Respect

2010-04-28T12:59:00.006+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Topik berat untuk diskusi hari ini. Di luar sedang hujan. Oh. Getting soaked while in socks and sneakers memanglah tidak cool tapi getting soaked while in stockings and ballet flats bukan sahaja tidak cool, malah cold. Oh serius sejuk. Mahu but hujan, but hujan.

Ok berbalik kepada topik diskusi. Respect. Atau dalam bahasa melayu hormat. Atau dalam bahasa Korea 존중. Sebenarnya ada banyak perkataan korea yang refer to respect. Tapi saya pilih 존중. Sebab saya suka.

Punca topik. Saya menonton Adamaya. Oh Lisa Surihani memang comel. Semua perempuan di luar sana tak payah makan hati cemburu kalau teman lelaki anda merupakan big fan Lisa Surihani. Anda kena belajar menerima kenyataan. Tapi Adam itu pula not to go down the drain for. Memanglah baik mungkin. Tapi tak adalah one in a million punya baik. Di mata saya macam cuma plain hero stuff. Ok ok. Adamaya. Haa.. dalam satu scene Adam kata pada Maya something along the line of "Saya ni suami awak. Kalau awak tak sayang saya pun, awak kena hormat saya." Tentu ramai penonton rasa memang patut Adam kata macam tu. He is after all the hero. And Maya pun as isteri memang lah patut hormat dan setia inside out kan? Tapi, mari berpijak di bumi nyata, easier said than done lah bukan.

Cuba menanamkan hormat kepada seseorang di atas dasar status seseorang itu memang bukan senang. Macam menyuruh budak darjah 1 hormat cikgu kerana cikgu ialah cikgu. Atau menyuruh junior hormat senior sebab senior ialah senior. Kita tak boleh menjamin rasa hormat itu bukan sekadar wujud on the surface. Padahal dalam hati memberontak.

Lain bila kita menghormati seseorang dengan ikhlas. Macam menghormati professor sebab beliau memang wise tentang hidup dan bukan sekadar bijak dalam bidang mereka. Atau menghormati pakcik kedai fotostat sebab beliau selalu melayan pelanggan dengan berhemah.

Walaupun memang Adam layak menyuruh Maya hormat beliau, I can understand if she finds it hard to do so. Respect bukan datang dengan button. Kalau tekan button automatik boleh hormat pada orang itu. If you want people to respect you, you have to do something respectful. And it will take times before people will start respecting you.

Er hari hujan memang sejuk. Tak mahu tulis banyak. See you next time. :D

Assalamualaikum

My Weekend

2010-04-25T19:57:00.005+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Moshitta hates my jeans.

He hates the side-pocketed khakis. He hates the blue Clride jeans. Both of which I wear because they are comfortable rather than nice-looking. He hates them so much that he bought me a new MNG pair. The exact black jeans that bibik looked at at MNG Sunway. But that was ages ago kan bibik. I bet you already found the black jeans that you want. And yes, I love the jeans. Very much.

He's been getting me to try a few jeans at SPAO, all of which I hate because of its cutting. Lucky me I decided to get in line and get myself the hand-tag MNG was giving out for people who can get 20% discount on their items. Moshitta was saying I would be wasting it since I won't be buying anything. But then I picked up the black jeans. Tried and loved it. But it was a bit pricey, so I was debating whether or not to buy. I am not in the form fit to be buying anything currently. So he said he'd pay for it. Although afterwards of course I felt bad. I actually feel bad whenever Moshitta buys me something expensive. Most of you probably think MNG is not that expensive, but I don't wear MNG nor other branded stuff much, so yeah, it is expensive in my point of view.

We watched Avatar in 4D. And we missed the opening yet again. We missed it when we watched the 2D. Missed it when we watched the 3D. And missed it again the 4D. Linda decided not to go with us so she could do a shopping spree on herself. She texted me in the middle of the movie saying her hands were full of shopping bags. Anyway, Avatar in 4D is awesome. I like the wind effect most. Maybe I'll wait for Ironman 2 to be available in 4D.

Oh, Kim Yeon-A was in Times Square signing autograph when we were there. Some book-launching stuff, I guess.

Then we headed to Kodae for BBQ party with 65 leftovers. Talked and talked and talked. Ate three pieces of chicken and sweet potatoes. Drank a mixture of A&W root beer, pepsi and sprite. Took funny pictures. Um. The picture was funny because of the jokes cracked when the picture was being taken. I had to hold my laugh so I wouldn't spoil my smile.

Went to my old house. Nana, Dayu and Qila are living there currently and it doesn't look like my house at all. They totally transformed it. Linda said it now looked like girls' house. Does that mean it was less girly when I lived in it? Anyway, I was so dizzy and my sore throat was coming back, so after a bit of talk and advice to the juniors for their exams, Qila gave me a pill for my headache and strepsils for my sore throat. Then I went off to slumberland, later than Linda.

We had donuts at Dunkin for breakfast, shopped a bit at Good Morning City where I bought a top and cardigan - 'for work'. Went to Itaewon since Linda needed some food-shopping, then we had buffet lunch at Maharaja.

Was a fabulous weekend. I already missed Linda.

Assalamualaikum

Of Inkdeath and Inkspell

2010-04-23T12:53:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Saya baca Inkheart lama dulu. Waktu tu tak mampu membeli Inkspell sekali. Apatah lagi Inkdeath. Serius Inkdeath itu mahal. Tapi sekarang telah mampu beli. Ok bergurau saja. Haha. Sebenarnya Inkdeath itu dibeli ketika tengah sale. 40% on Kyobo online.

I decided to buy both since, well, I told you I need a distraction from thinking about my interview. I still think about it even now, analyzing every single word spoken on that day and thinking what should I have said to make it anymore better. Oh.

Anyway, I have to say I finished it pretty late than I expected. Maybe because I spent much time on the internet. Facebook is kind of addictive. Or maybe because after sometimes getting involved in one story, you kind of get tired of it. And annoyed.

Yeah, I was much annoyed by the characters. Meggie, Resa, Farid, Orpheus.. even Dustfinger whom I think was the coolest character of all. They annoyed me when they do something insensible out of concern of the people they love. It irritates me much that I was thinking does everyone in love this annoying?

Only Mortimer seems to be doing the right thing. But then again he's the hero. Or maybe it's because half of the Inkspell, he just lied motionless after being shot by Mortola, therefore there aren't many scenes where he can do something annoying.

And then, not one who came from the real world was dead. Not even Orpheus. And why didn't they return to real world in the end? Why? Ok bukankah dalam post lepas telah komplen kenapa Alice taknak tinggal di Wonderland. Sekarang telah komplen kenapa mereka taknak balik. Duh.

There is only one thing I like about the ending though. The fact that Meggie chose Doria in the end. I never really liked Farid. Especially when he kissed other girls besides Meggie. And no, Meggie, I don't think one heart can love two boys at the same time.

Now can I have Movers and Fakers pretty please?

Rain

2010-04-22T09:54:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Maaf kepada anda-anda, tapi kehidupan tidak bekerjaya memang sangat kosong. Maka tak berapa ada benda untuk dikongsikan dengan anda. Mungkin apabila telah bekerjaya beberapa bulan lagi akan ada apa-apa untuk dikongsikan. Sila doakan saya.

I think the rain affects me in a weird way. Saya jarang boleh tidur waktu hujan lebat. Renyai-renyai mungkin, tapi kalau ribut taufan petir guruh bagai akan menyebabkan saya duduk berselimut atas katil staring into nothing. Selalu juga hujan akan membawa simptom badan letih dan berangin. I mean it. I would often spend my time during raining to burp the air out. And last night with a sore throat, slight headache and a little fever -like a coat of fire burning under my skin -, I pushed myself to sleep. Woke up in the morning with only the sore throat, and it's even getting better as I am writing right now. Alhamdulillah.

Moshitta always wonders how I manage to sleep everything away. Headaches, problems, stresses, sadness, anger.... anything. I just go to sleep and wake up with a more cheerful mood.

Ok I have some errands to do including getting myself proper lunch and dinner.

See you in a bit.

Ok, maybe more than just one bit.

Assalamualaikum

:)

2010-04-13T21:14:00.004+09:00

Assalamualaikum

When a person stays at one country for 5 years, they became a native.

So did you.

You now think like a native, speak like a native, act like a native and look like a native.

The words kept ringing in my head as I sat at the corridor, waiting for my presentation interview. On normal days, I consider that as a huge compliment. But at that moment...

An HR girl from the waiting room was complaining about her aching feet to the HR guy who was waiting on me.

"다리가 아파서 조금 앉겠습니다. (My feet hurt so I am going to sit a bit)" She said to me as she took the seat next to me.

"앉으세요. (Please, seat)" I replied with an understanding smile. My Vincci heels were not half as comfortable either.

"제 personal interview가 망한 것 같애요. (I think my personal interview was ruined)" I told her. I think I was desperate to openly tell her that. I was in need of any form of encouragement.

"왜요? (Why?)" She asked kindly.

"면접관은 제가 한국사람이랑 다름 없다고 하셨어요. 그게 좋은 건가요 안 좋은 건가요? (The guy told me I am no different than a native. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?)"

"그게 좋은 거죠. (Of course that's a good thing)" She looked at me incredulously.

"저도 처음에 그렇게 생각했는데 더 생각해 보니까 외국인 사원을 찾는다면 한국인 같은 외국인을 왜 뽑을 거죠? (At first, I thought so too myself. But as I think again, if they are finding foreign workers why would they want to pick a native-like foreign worker.)"

"아.. (Ah)" She said, understanding my point. "그것도 맞는데 그래도 한국 사람이랑 잘 어울려야 일도 잘 될 수 있죠. (That's true, but still they need to find someone who can get along well with Korean so that the work can be done well, right?)

"근데 저는 제 장점이랑 단점도 얘기 안했는데. (But I didn't tell them my strength and weakness either.)" Another one of my worries. I know it's crucial to mention it during the self-introduction, but I kind of forgot.

This time I can see her face fell a bit. Obviously that was something I should not do.

"괜찮아요. (That's ok)" She finally said. "이번에 잘하면 돼요. (You just have to do well in this one)" She said, referring to my presentation.

I took a deep breath and think about every reason why I have to have this job. I smiled back at her.

"그래요. 이번엔 잘해야죠. (You're right. I should do well in this one.)"

As I walked out of the presentation room, I felt glad I did those countless, last-minute, scriptless review presentations for design subjects. And as I stepped out into the sun afterwards, I felt much lighter. Maybe I didn't do too bad after all.

An HR sure was trained to give people encouragement.

Assalamualaikum

Wonder Me

2010-04-10T12:59:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Distraction came in the form of Inkspell and the hardcovered Inkdeath. Along with Burger Shop 2 :p Now I remembered why I never really finished Burger Shop. Because the level kept getting harder. Try passing each level with perfect rank. You'll know what I mean.

It's one o'clock. Shouldn't I be doing something better?

Oh yeah, don't ask how my interview went. I'm trying to NOT think about it right now. Thus the distraction.

See you in a bit.

Assalamualaikum

2010-04-05T19:48:00.002+09:00

Location : Rotiboy Idae

After how many years I finally return to Idae. I had two hours before mekdi arrives so I spent the time reading Elle Girl Korea February edition. I know it's very unlike me to read a magazine but what else can I do? somehow I stumbled upon a section where they publish people's unsent love letters. the first one caught my attention. well to be honest, I didnt read other letters at all because it turned out reading other people's love letter is not fun at all. anyway the first one said that the danger an aircraft is in during its take-off and landing is similar to the danger a heart is in during its take-off and landing. when your heart take-off at the start of a relationship you prepare yourself for a journey which you don't know how and where it will end. by the time your heart has landed back you may be at any point of your life. maybe when it lands you are at the point where you've become someone better. maybe you are at the point where you are worse then before. or maybe you have no moved at all from your starting point. all I can say is that make sure that in your relationship you actually move to somewhere better. else you will only be wasting your airfare.

shouldn't I be preparing for interview tomorrow? what's with the love-related post?
oh yeah, my chokyo from kigae shirheom is cheering for me. must try my best.

The Missing of Friendship

2010-04-01T14:16:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ok it's official.
I miss Elisya Syirin.
Like really really really miss her.
I can't find her on facebook.
I can't find anything related to her when I googled her name.
Elisya can be very unreachable when she wants to.
I tried going through my old messages over at friendster, hoping to find at least an email.
But no, nothing.
I instead found myself significantly hurt reading through her messages.
Hurt that we were such good friend and I was so foolish to stop writing to her.
When it was the only thing that could keep our relationship.

I just hope she suddenly thinks of googling her own name and came upon this blog.
Is there anyone who actually have her email at least?

Ok before I got myself mourning, I'd better go to the optician right now.
There are lenses waiting to get inside my eyeballs.

Assalamualaikum

=?

2010-04-01T11:53:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I saw pictures on the internet about the earth hour campaign.
Some people were celebrating the campaign so they turned off their lights at the right time.
Instead they light on tons of candles.
I am an engineer, so it is only natural for me to wonder..
Which would produce more carbon dioxide in an hour?
One bulb or tons of candles?

Anyway, I got my first contact lenses last night.
And I still am unable to put it inside my eyes.
Pathetic much?

Assalamualaikum

2010-03-27T14:42:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I've watched Alice in Wonderland. Twice. But I sticked to my opinion that the storyline is not that interesting. The whole setup is funny though. Very fairytale-like. But when I finished watching it for the first time, I found myself disliking the ending. Why did she have to return to the real world. And why didn't they show her returning back to Wonderland again for good? I did expect her to return again. Just like the boy in The Book of Lost Things did.

I was always into fairytales myself. I loved ball gowns and any story that involved a charming prince and a beautiful lady. My family nicknamed me Kak Ni in Wonderland. For I never seemed to grow out of those stories. Imagination is where I retreated to everytime I found the reality too harsh. But as I grow up and settled at my own 'wonderland', as what I call it lately, my friends found me more logical than imaginative. My advices are always based on cold, hard facts.

And thus, when I finished watching the movie for the second time, I came to understand why Alice chose to leave Wonderland.

Assalamualaikum

:|

2010-03-02T17:48:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Saya suka how Moshitta and I are currently experiencing completely different thing but we still remember to share anything we find interesting throughout the whole process. It kind of remind me of the first time we get into university and how we talked about our first classes over fresh toast and chocolate milk. Oh ketika itu masih naif lagi. Belum pandai minum kopi. Tapi kepada semua penyambung legacy di Korea University, kalau kamu get through the sleepless nights without a single cup of coffee kamu memang hebat.

Saya tak tahu nak makan apa. For the past four days I have been eating fast food non-stop. Even kuay teow is not that tempting anymore. Got to go now. See you soon.

Assalamualaikum

T.T

2010-03-01T14:57:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I'm not in a good state currently. At the point that I refuse to make contact with anybody. Except loved ones. And when I say loved ones, I mean LOVED ONES.

I realized today that no amount of crying would ever make me feel better. No amount of good food would. Neither will any amount of good shopping.

I am just broken.

Like there is this thing inside my throat that feels like exploding but just can't. So it stayed in near-exploding state.

I am a fool for thinking that I can ever survive. Yes?

I miss Moshitta a lot, I practically shed tears just by typing the word down.

Assalamualaikum

Family, Friends and Money

2010-02-21T12:47:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Ada masanya saya rasa kawan itu tak pernah dan tak mungkin akan jadi seperti keluarga kita. No matter how bff you claim you two are. No matter how just-like-sisters/brothers/siblings you claim you two are. Pada saya yang tinggal jauh dengan keluarga dan dekat dengan kawan-kawan, ya saya rasa kawan itu sangat dekat dengan saya. To the point that saya tak suka strangers buat tak elok pada kawan-kawan saya. Ya, saya sayang kawan saya. Tapi keluarga is in different league.

Saya jauh dari keluarga. And everytime saya balik cuti, I just can't wait to return to the comfort of my friends over here. Tapi saya masih tetap rasa kawan itu tak macam keluarga. Family accepts you as you are. Friends do too. Tapi entah kenapa tak sama. Takde justifikasi. Saya cuma rasa tak sama =p

Beberapa ketika dahulu, waktu saya check notification facebook, ada random question from friend exposed applications. Bertanya Which would you pick : A million dollars or a million friends. Saya instinctively jawab a million dollars :D. You can never have that many friends. Tengok dalam live kamu sekarang berapa banyak kawan yang kamu ada. Always ada tambahan tapi pun ada berkurangan. Always there are strangers that become your new friends and old friends that become strangers. Point is you can never keep up with a million friend. The affections can never be the same. Better get the million dollars and make the friends and people you have around you happy with it. I am just being realistic here.

So does Moshitta fall into the category of friends or family?

I do feel like he is more family.

Assalamualaikum

Memories

2010-02-19T22:42:00.011+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Sebab tarikh bergelar 유학생 pun semakin hampir tamat, maka haruslah ada post berciri nostalgic, yes? Maka saya telah pilih my favorite memories of each of the four seasons.

Spring
Tak banyak boleh dicerita tentang musim bunga. Ya, bunga cantik. But, unfortunately I was always too busy with school sampai tak berapa ada masa jalan-jalan tengok bunga. Yes, Jejudo trip during early spring of 2005 was supposed to be fun, tapi considering saya tak tahu the value of sight-seeing dan ditambah pula dengan mabuk laut, maka it was less than memorable. Oh bukan, kami tak naik bot ke Jejudo, kami naik aeroplane. Tapi kami ke Udo naik bot. Jadi saya telah memilih favorite memory of spring as the one when I cycled all the way from Daerim to Yeoido with Jiji to watch sakura.

me in my red giordano sweater ketika ia masih baru.

Saya tak ada rancangan nak ke Yeoido langsung. Ya semua orang sibuk dengan sakura. It was after all, our first. Hari terakhir sebelum angin spring datang dan meniup habis semua bunga. Jiji ajak saya ke Yeoido petang tu. Saya tanya naik subway ke. Jiji kata tak. Naik basikal. Dia tahu jalan. Maka kami pun kayuh macam nak pengsan sampai Yeoido. Tapi tak sepengsan the time when we cycled from Daerim ke Kelin Gongwon sambil Dira membonceng di belakang lepas tu sesat. :D

Summer
Having trouble choosing between a fabulous day out with friends and summer vacation to Busan. So I picked both :D

my then-best-friend is my now-boyfriend. ehe

The day started out with me in a public-speaking contest. In Korean, yes. I was still full of excitement from the previous day's Chinmogae Bam. Malas berfikir apa itu Chinmogae Bam dalam bahasa Inggeris. Now come to think of it, I never really knew what Chinmogae Bam means. *look-up-endic.naver*. Ok the word chinmok means friendship, so Chinmogae Bam should be something like friendship night kan? I won 2nd place in the public-speaking contest so I got myself a cultural voucher worth ... can't remember how much was it worth. Then we went to Namdaemun to splurge on souvenirs. We were going back to Malaysia for our first time. Back then, kalau keluar mesti beramai-ramai secara meriah. I remember asking Moshitta a slightly provocative question when we were waiting for the train. I wonder if he remembers what. Then we went home, for a quick rest and went out again for movie. Each one of us paid 1000 won for the ticket and the rest are paid using the vouchers I won. Someone wasted the ticket by sleeping through the movie even when the sound of explosions were deafening. We watched The Island by the way. We got sort of lost on our way home and it was pretty late when we reached Linda's house. Others already slept so we had to knock hard. My cellphone ran out of credit *yes, I used credits back then* so I had to call using my international card phone number. Sort of ring ring card. Su opened the door and saved us.

shortly before the ride

Kami bercakap mengenai Busan sangat banyak. Memang berhasrat benar nak ke Busan sebelum habis belajar. Macam kalau tak pergi Busan tak boleh mengaku pernah duduk Korea lima tahun setengah. Tapi kami ialah kami di mana perancangan jarang-jarang masuk dalam buku. Macam bercuti di Port Dickson hari tu. Siap boleh sampai taman buaya yang tak ada buaya :D. Maka sama macam itu juga, 2 hari sebelum Hadi pulang cuti di Malaysia, saya bangun pagi call Moshitta dan bertanya jadi tak pergi Busan hari ni? Moshitta kata jadi. Lalu kami berdua bangun packing dan terus keluar ke Seoul Station. Jumpa Hadi sebab beliau baru balik dari Namdaemun. Took off ke Busan begitu sahaja. Full details ada dalam entry lain. Oh mujur ada tiket balik malam hari berikutnya, kalau tidak Hadi akan tertinggal flight balik Malaysia. Selepas vacation super fun ini, saya dan Moshitta menghadapi summer semester with management subjects yang horror. Talk about bersenang-senang dahulu bersusah-susah kemudian.

Autumn

not in the picture because i am the person taking it

Picnic at Eulwang Beach autumn of 2005. Selain suka pergi theme park tapi tak main, saya juga suka aktiviti piknik. We had chicken barbecues and sandwiches. Main bunga api tepi pantai. Tapi macam datang dan makan ayam bakar di tepi pantai pun ada. Sebab there was not much to do. By the time kami sampai dah petang sangat. Dan ok serius sejuk amat. It was autumn dan angin memang di paras tak payah cakap. This is partly memorable sebab how laughable it was kot. I remember ada anjing besar walked near our picnic spot. Dan semua orang cuak it would grab the chicken.

Winter

turning twenty

Semua orang tahu tragedi ini lah bukan? Our graduation trip was on my birthday. Had piles of presents. Tapi tragedi di puncak Intermediate Course memang tak dilupakan. Being pulled down, half-crying by Ham Seonsaeng pada malam birthday. Ham Seonsaeng tanya pada saya, bila saya turun bawah adakah saya nak naik balik. Saya kata tak mahu. Dia tanya habis tu saya nak buat apa. Saya kata saya mahu get back to those who talked me into taking the skilift. Tapi, it was snowing lah malam itu. Semenjak itu, saya tak pernah pakai kasut ski lagi. Though I think I am pretty good at it. Theoretically.

I am going to miss many things.

Assalamualaikum

Graduation

2010-02-18T22:02:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Hari ini saya picked up my graduation robe/gown. Potong mana-mana yang tidak berkenaan. Ambil awal just because I hate being left with the big-sized ones. Tapi lepas sampai rumah baru saya perasan, mereka bagi saya saiz paling besar. Do I look big? Maka esok akan berjalan dengan sabar ke sekolah untuk tukar. Selain itu, akan ke kedutaan untuk hantar surat tuntutan elaun tamat pengajian.

3 hari lagi. Boleh berasa gembira dan bangga dengan diri sendiri sebab survived. Farini tak pernah duduk dalam jangkamasa begini panjang kat Korea tahu. Paling lama pun 5 bulan. I almost survived 6 months. Dan kebanyakan masanya alone. Tahniah tahniah.

Graduation Day saya pada 25hb. Jangan datang membawa coklat. I kind of grew out of it already kot. Ya saya masih makan aiskrim coklat, biskut coklat, wafer coklat, roti coklat, hot chocolate etc. tapi dah tak berapa makan coklat sajer. Sangat jarang berasa nak makan coklat. I remember my Ferrero Rocher sat for weeks on my desk when at last I gave it to Ardini during her visit. Sebab I didn't even feel like eating it. Kalau datang bawak lah bunga sejambak besar, atau novel The Road (kah? can't remember the title but anyway the new novel from John Connolly), atau Inkspell atau Inkdeath atau earphone Apple. Ok pandai demand :D

Eh telah realized, though I am kind of a coffee addict lately, saya masih tak makan coffee/mocha-flavored things.

Assalamualaikum

Sorting Day

2010-02-15T14:12:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Disebabkan hari ini telah penat disebabkan hari semalam (?) maka saya mengumumkan hari ini sebagai Sorting Day. Sorting Day tak memerlukan kekuatan fizikal umpama Laundry Day tetapi hanya memerlukan kekuatan hati untuk membuang aset-aset yang tiada berguna lagi. We all love to keep sampah kan? Saying they are valuable reminders of some memories. Well, it's not about 'valuable reminders of some memories' anymore, it's about bringing with you what worth bringing. Saya dengan yakinnya tak berasa nak pay 40k won for every 20kg of entah tak tau apa. So time to go.

How come cincin semua more or less the same? Last time I went into Tiffany & Co. dengan Noni. Membawa muka konfiden kami-orang-kaya dan browsed through their collections of rings. And tried too. Tapi mungkin Tiffany & Co. bukan my type so I'm definitely not paying 6.1kk won for a typical ring. What made it that expensive again?

Ok mari get going with throwing away things.

Assalamualaikum

=p

2010-02-14T22:44:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Approximately 10 p.m today. On the phone. Regardless of the controversial cellphone bill.

pphoenix : awak tengah buat apa tu?
Moshitta : tengok raja lawak.
pphoenix : lambat lagi la nak online ek?
Moshitta : aah.
pphoenix : uh. baik awak cakap siapa lagi penting. saya ke raja lawak.
Moshitta : raja lawak.

Ok. Saya dan Moshitta memang rajin membuat drama kami sendiri. Sekarang akan menunggu beliau habis menonton televisyen. Tapi perut lapar.

Assalamualaikum

=(

2010-02-11T23:43:00.005+09:00

Assalamualaikum

I always find it hard to go to sleep when something crowds my mind. Random stuff : I prefer cream spaghetti to tomato-sauced ones and I prefer sponge cake with chocolate rice around the side to rich, elegant, Secret-Recipe-liked ones.

Have I told you? I think finding a job is like finding your soulmate. The status of the company or the pay don't really matter. As long as you like it. Because there will always be time when things got tough, and still the thing that keeps you going is your passion on it. But after failing interviews, I keep questioning myself, was I meant to do this from the start? What if I like engineering but I was not meant to do it. Maybe I'm better off doing something else, though I can't imagine something else that I would be good at. Or even like doing at all.

I am being negative, am I not?

You'll understand how it feels when you are 24 years old, fighting for job and surrounded by people who are still struggling for their grades.

Sigh.

Maybe I am really just good at answering questions on exam papers.

Assalamualaikum

=)

2010-01-28T19:32:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

"Kamu tahu kamu hendak berkongsi hidup dengan si dia bila kamu kurang gembira menikmati makanan kegemaran kamu tanpa si dia di sisi."

I think so.

Because the above is MY quote :D

Assalamualaikum

:D

2010-01-25T11:48:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Hai hai hai. Minta maaf mengabaikan anda semua yang saban hari tengok blog bersawang ni. Tu pun kalau anda masih setia tengok blog bersawang ni la kan. Mungkin juga ada yang lepas tengok seminggu bersawang dah tak datang lagi dah. Mungkin juga ada yang frust tak dapat log in. Saya tuka password google account untuk visitor sebab.. um telah menggunakan account tersebut untuk googlewave saya. Tapi lepas tu pun dah lupa balik semula apakah password yang baru tersebut maka googlewave saya pun terbengkalai begitu saja. Oh tapi tak apa.

Dah berapa minggu malas update. Untuk pengetahuan anda, resolusi usia 24 tahun saya adalah untuk menjaga kecantikan supaya boleh menjadi pengantin yang cantik berseri kelak. Ok buat kelaka saja. Tapi macam ada sikit betul. Walaupun resolusi macam tak berapa bergerak kerana Vaseline yang dibeli tempoh hari pun baru pakai 3 kali.

Bercerita tentang usia 24, adakah kamu rasa seorang dewasa berusia 24 tahun masih bermimpi hantu? Er ya, saya masih bermimpi hantu. Baru bermimpi malam tadi sebenarnya. Saya tanya pada kakak saya yang akan berusia 29 tahun pada tahun ini, adakah normal seorang dewasa bermimpi hantu, maka dengan gelak berguling-guling beliau berkata beliau dah lama tak ada bermimpi hantu. Tapi mimpi hantu saya sangat mencemaskan tapi sebelum hantu lebih dahsyat muncul telah terjaga. Buat pengetahuan anda, saya tak berapa suka tengok cerita hantu.

Oh bercerita tentang mimpi pula, bolehkah anda mengawal mimpi anda? Saya kadang-kadang boleh. Di mana dalam mimpi tersebut saya akan berfikir "lepas ni mesti jadi camni" atau berharap "jadilah cmni lepas ni" dan pupp.. adegan tersebut akan menjadi macam apa yang saya fikir, dalam ertikata lain saya boleh mengawal hala tuju mimpi tersebut. Walaupun dalam mimpi tersebut kompemlah tak ada terfikir saya boleh menentukan apa-apa. Oh dan kadang-kadang pun boleh tahu itu ialah mimpi maka akan memaksa diri bangun sebelum berlaku perkara tak diingini. Mimpi memang misteri lah.

Sekian saja catatan kali ini kerana hendak pergi prektis drawing. Macam budak rajin. Padahal sebab buku Confession of an Ugly Stepsister itu macam bosan sangat.

Assalamualaikum

Birthday Wishlist

2009-12-12T16:22:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Will quickly post my wishlist.

1. The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly
2. The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
3. A set of encyclopedia Brittanica
4. A white watch (Farini has an incomprehensible something about white watches)
5. Homemade cold sandwiches
6. The 2nd book in Alpha series by Lisi Harrison (this one won't be around till April)
7. These Boots are Made for Stalking by Lisi Harrison (this one won't be around till March)
8. So Yesterday by Scott Westerfeld

Um I actually don't have anything that I want in my mind right now =p
Will get back to this later.

Assalamualaikum

After Total Torture

2009-12-11T22:54:00.002+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah...
Syukur secara sangat banyaaaaaaaak.
Dalam dua hari ni ada beberapa perkara yang menggembirakan.
Macam akhirnya dah nampak cahaya harapan after almost 2 weeks of depression.

First, Prof Kim Kwon Hee said he'll accept me to his lab if I'm going for Master's Degree. I'll just have to find a sponsor then. Lab tersebut adalah bukan lab biasa-biasa di mana main projects are industrial designs. They have collaborations with LG Electronics, GM Daewoo and listening to the Prof talking to the graduate students, they seemed to be preparing for presentation to KIA. Tak berapa tahu sanggup ke Farini ada dalam lab yang begitu berat. Tapi tak apa. Sekurang-kurangnya dah tahu ada masa depan.

Two, chokyo NX tersebut masih membagi saya markah yang elok walaupun beliau sibuk mengkomen saya tak buat layer dan juga sketch waktu exam. Point is, I went direct to extrude and sketch inside the extrude function. So he was unable to check my sketches without opening history.

Three, pat myself on the head and say congratulations. This one I'm not telling why.

Four, our coffee machine works! Or at least boiled water can come out. Tak berapa tahu apa akan terjadi kalau letak coffee.

I still have a number of things to settle. And the madness continues.

Till then.

Alhamdulillah and assalamualaikum =)

Mengejar Mimpi

2009-12-11T08:42:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

A quick post before a looooooooooooong day ahead.

Kamu pernah tak rasa takut mengejar mimpi.

Sebab kamu rasa mimpi tu macam ada sikit over-dreamt.

Macam kamu takut it is not meant for you.

Kamu takut yang tinggal nanti cuma kecewa.

And then you cruelly told yourself,

"설마 그게 진짜로 될 수 있다고 생각해?"

You don't really think that can be real, right?

Sigh.

Talk about self-esteem issue.

Assalamualaikum

Thursday of Week 15

2009-12-10T09:10:00.004+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Oh terlupa membagi tahu. Bukan saya saja high maintenance tahu? Kamu-kamu fellow Malaysian Student in Korea semua pun high maintenance. Tahukah kamu semua menelan belanja plus minus 15 millions won setahun untuk setiap orang? Oh tapi belanja maintenance education saya akan mencanak naik kalau saya decide untuk buat master degree. Which would be about 22 millions won per year. Sebab itu saya kata saya high maintenance. I got myself expensive education. Siapa mahu sponsor saya lepas ni angkat tangan!

I should really get going with practicing NX. Juga sepatutnya get going with preparing Abeek documents. Juga sepatutnya get going with fixing the cellphone. Tapi semalam telah lari ke Dongyang, ponteng kelas Beryo dan memasakkan lunch nasi ayam untuk junior. Oh how irresponsible. Macam ada bertuah sikit sebab cikgu tak check attendance. Doakan saya rajin pada hari ini. Oh kena practice NX T.T

Assalamualaikum

Tuesday of Week 15

2009-12-08T22:10:00.003+09:00

Assalamualaikum

Tak payah menafikan lah bukan. Farini memang high maintenance woman (woman?). Eheh. In a sense that saya makan good food, cuma pakai baju kurung yang dibuat oleh emak, dan membaca buku secara memilih-milih iaitu tidak membaca sama sekali buku pilihan ramai seperti twilight. Saya jarang mahu sesuatu. Tapi kalau sekali nak terus yang mahal. Misalnya seumur hidup tak pernah kata nak beli kereta. Tapi sekali nak beli cuma nak Hyundai i30 =p. Nothing less. Nothing more. Er tak payah bagitau contoh lain kenapa saya kata saya high maintenance tapi sungguhpun begitu, saya tahu maintain diri sendiri. Dalam erti kata lain tak ada pergi mintak orang lain beli kan.

Tapi bagaimana pula dengan high maintenance KIT? KIT yang kalau tak digilap tayarnya dengan tisu lembap langsung tak mahu naik bukit? Jojang atau juga dikenali sebagai ketua kumpulan berkata nama KIT tersebut ialah Ferrari. Patutlah high maintenance. Tunggu lah hari pertandingan nanti. Jangan kata tisu lembap, saya beli tisu dettol siap hand sanitizer nanti buat lap tayar. Kalau tak naik gak bukit tak tau lah.

Oh abaikan. Menjelang hari pertandingan ni ada macam sikit tak tahu apa telah terjadi. Lagi-lagi bila dapat tahu Jumaat ni kena submit segala document Abeek. Eh eh. Ada masa lagi tulis blog? Jangan kata tulis blog. Sudah habis tengok 9 Ends 2 Out dan sedang tengok episod ke 7 Cinderella Man :D. Ok tipu saja. Farini cuma tengok episod 5 hingga 9 (kot) 9 Ends 2 Out dan terus melompat ke episod 16 untuk ending. Lagu di bawah ialah OST cerita tersebut. Kan dah kata sangat suka lagu yang meningkatkan semangat. Pergi bersemangat sekarang juga.

Alhamdulillah :)

Assalamualaikum