Up-close and Personal

Assalamualaikum

Sunyi.

Sangat.

It hasn't been the best day.

Sejak semalam waktu keluar menguruskan hal akaun telefon dengan Ammar, dia tegur.

Katanya muka saya nampak agak tekanan.

Saya kata pada dia. Mana tak tekanan. Menunggu orang sejam lebih.

Dan hari ni, terasa seolah menjadi bodoh overnight.

Study dynamics langsung tak bergerak.

Bits of headache.

Dan badan sangat tak selesa.

Saya menangis lagi.

Like I always do when I feel so small and weak to be carrying these burden.

Sedih kan?

Bila terpaksa stand strong each day and struggling, pushing yourself to live up to others' expectations.

Only to be laughed at when you can't make it.

Emosi sangat kurang stabil.

Saya hendak tidur dengan harapan boleh tiba-tiba menjadi pandai apabila bangun pagi esok lalu boleh menyelesaikan semua masalah dynamics dalam buku ni.

Till then

Assalamualaikum

Ehe~ Malam tadi saya tido lambat. Dan pagi ni bangun standard time. Siap mimpi Moshitta ber-taekwondo dengan perompak2 mane tah. Ahah~ Ok he did take up taekwondo few years back when we were in SNU. Tapi sekarang.. er... ehe~

Reason tido lambat? Saya berdrama. Ops. Bukan melakonkan drama. Tapi menonton drama. Seriously I'm the type yang kalau dah start tengok satu cerita, sampai hujung sy akan tengok. Straight tak berenti. Sebab tu benci tv punya drama bersiri. Hari ni tengok. Besok dah takde feel nak sambung tengok =p. It goes the same with storybooks. Once baca, tanak berenti sampai la abes. Be it time makan ke. Time tido ke.

Cerita saya tengok, agak tipikal cerita korea. Walau ada sedikit kelainan. Tapi banyak juga yang sama. Tapi,

Bukan maksudnya orang tu benci anda. Cuma dia tak ada la perasaan suka pada anda sebagaimana anda suka pada dia. The so-called unrequited love. Seperti kata watak Sena dalam drama Wedding. Unrequited love sangat indah bila ditonton dalam tv atau dibaca dalam buku novel. Berjuraian air mata anda membaca atau menonton. And strangely, it sometimes makes you want to have one. Tapi bila dah terkena betul... ehe~

Mama selalu kata, jangan suka pada orang yang tak suka kat kita. Buang masa. Tapi bila anda cuma seorang yang biasa-biasa pada pandangan mata semua manusia, ada kemungkinan anda akan tersuka pada orang yang takda perasaan suka pada anda.

Remember last time bila saya kata saya kne tulis karangan autobiography? Guess what my title is? "I am an unrequited love." There, I wrote about a feeling of love, born to be unrequited. But just like any other love, sometimes it brings happiness and sometimes it brings sadness to a person. Happy just to see the other person's face. Sad to know the fact that the other person never even look this way. But as time goes on, the unrequited love find itself dying. But still it didn't feel sad. For it knows, its death means that another love is going to be born. A more cheerful and happy love, that perhaps has its match. A love unlike unrequited love. Agak complicated. Dan agak abstrak untuk dimengertikan. But that's just me kan. "Saya sebatang pensel" adalah cerita darjah 5. Even budak sekolah darjah 2 sekarang pun boleh tulis cerita "saya sebuah iPod".

Oh ok. I have dynamics paper this Saturday. Untuk adik-adik (adik?) tersayang, jumpa korang ahad ok. Gile rindu~~(p/s: jom fly game show g canmore jom! Huda tinggal. Sape suh jadi MC =p)

Assalamualaikum

Tadi petang berjalan2 ke blog Mekdi. Mekdi kata she read about zodiac and personality thingy from Wenning's blog dan dia gelak di atas lantai membacanya (I can't exactly imagine her getting down from her chair just to laugh on the floor. Why would anybody do that, by the way? Ehe~). Anyways, dan saya dengan curiousnya pun berjalan ke blog Wenning mencari link itu. Dan saya bergelak sakan membacanya. Bukan saya saja okeh. Bila saya tunjuk pada Moshitta, dia gelak lebih dasyat dari saya. Bukan menggelakkan article tu. More tu gelak kan saya. Uhh~ So here goes the zodiac-based personality that they claimed I should have. And you'll find out much sooner why Moshitta and I was laughing so hard.

A tall, slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.

Oh well, so and so. Doesn't describe me much I'd say. No, I don't have much self-confidence. No, I'm not that tidy and neat. No, I'm not tall nor am I quiet. No, I don't hide my emotion. And no, I don't love make up or dressing perfectly or neatly! I listen a lot to people on what I have to do for my future. Well, anyways I stopped reading these stuffs ages ago for I don't even believe them. Some of it may get a person right, but lots may not. It's you yourself that build your personality. Not the zodiac, right?

Assalamualaikum

Ok, here's the deal.

If I got a 4 above this sem, I promise myself a Macbook

If not...

I'll just beg papa or Alin to pay half

Till then =)

Assalamualaikum

Sabtu lepas, saya ikut Moshitta ke tournament badminton KUBC, the varsity's badminton club. Cheering for him. Eheh~ He ended up 1st runner-up for single and winner for double. And that got us 2 free movie tickets. Yaayyy~ Only that, we don't really have time for any movie right now. It's already exam's season and there are tons of quizzes and homeworks. In fact I got C++ exam tomorrow. And I haven't studied anything yet =p

Semalam, in out race to finish our homeworks, I went out for lunch with Moshitta, leaving behind my house key, thinking that Zatul would be at home all day since she's got microelectronics circuit's quiz today. But bila kitorang sampai rumah balik, her scooter was out of sight. And bila saya call, she said she was at LG-POSCO Building. Kawasan student business, siapkn assignment kot kat situ coz she takes up business elective this sem. Oh well, business electives are a part of a bunch of major-not-related electives we HAVE to take in other to graduate. And we have to at least take 2 subjects in business. Other parts of the electives bunch are societies, history, culture and blah blah.

Anyways, being bored taking the same courses down to the main campus with heavy traffics, we decided to take a detour up the hills that surrounded the KU Hospital and the main campus itself. It was cold and windy up there. But was beautiful. The roadside were full with trees which was now full with flowers since it's spring. Duh~ We stopped at the Stadium where KU students were playing soccer, taking in the air but was breathless just as we arrived at the Business building. Ok, it's not that fair that Business students got the perfect scenery and the perfect building. Do they pay more school fees or what? The moment I stepped into the LG-Posco, I tried to contain myself from ooh-ing and aah-ing. I am after all a KU student. Mane bleh jakun dengan sekolah sendiri kan. But honestly, there was a desk at the corner and everything was wooden panelled. My first thought was - "Macam dalam hotel."

Very much unlike the school of engineering. Sure Hana Square is all shiny glasses, but what about the College of Engineering itself? The Innovative Hall is better though. Well maybe School of Engineering uses our money to buy a more high-tech machines and technology and invest on some big researches. And it's not like School of Business have to pay for a more high-tech paper or pens kan? Maybe that's why they have more money I think.

Anyways, that night, which was last night, I found out that I lost my wallet. AGAIN. I felt like screaming. Felt like crying. It must have dropped somewhere on our detour. My first move after I regain my conscience was call the banks and canceled all my debit cards. Lucky me there was only like 14000 won cash inside. That is approximately rm50. But what I worried most was my MyKad. If I lost it again, it would be the 3rd time. And imagine the amount I have to pay. The RC will take like a week and the debit card for KEB takes another a week to be re-issued. Which means another 2 weeks without money. I don't know how long does my glossy student card takes to be re-issued. And we have to bring that for exams.

But then again, this is Korea. Not Malaysia. In Korea, anything lost will have an 80% possibility to be found again. Well maybe not the money, but at least the cards will. It's not like when you lost anything in Malaysia. Malaysian don't return things. Even the useless cards and wallet will be found flushed down the toilet bowls. And so, since this is Korea, at 9.56 this morning the One-Stop service center of KU called me telling that there was a call from a lady saying she found my stuff and asked me to call her. I took down her name and her cellphone number and we promised to meet each other near school at 1. Moshitta made me promise I wrote down my cellphone number in my wallet, just so anyone that found it will go straight and call me instead of having to call over to the school to ask. So people, always have, at least, your student ID or your cellphone number in your wallet, just in case you lost it and the person that found it is kind enough to return it to you will know just where to find you.

Assalamualaikum

My brain's working domain = my room, inside my comforter (since I sleep in Zatul's room) and the bathroom. Weird is sooo me.

Am NOT that sooooo-much-more smarter than you people. I just love trying verrryyyy hard and getting the answer right.

CANNOT go to bed late. Or I'll have a tantrum the next day and my body will feel like breaking. And I'm going to have a headache and feeling like vomitting. So mama, don't worry. I never go out up till midnight. Except like 4-5 times in the past 3 and a half years. =p

Don't really like teddy bears. Not anymore, at least.

Don't watch TV. Even when you leave me alone at home driving myself insane with boredom, the last thing I would think of is switching on the TV.

Read Granite Tower - the monthly english university magazine. I think they have very good articles unlike any beauty/teenage/entertainment magazines.

Can NEVER study in a too quiet place e.g the library. A too quiet surrounding with no sound at all will just divert my concentration from the book to finding any source of sound. I prefer a more natural surrounding with sound of living things around me rather than a soo quiet surrounding. It makes me feel pressured.

Am always hungry when doing critical thinking. Best solution is french fries with carbonated drink.

Am not good at money management. Full-stop.

Always buy things I won't use. Especially clothes. Just because they LOOK pretty. And sometimes I buy things because I pity the seller. Got this trait from papa, I guess.

Till then =)

Assalamualaikum

I just checked my Physics result. And as expected, it's not good. In fact it is below average. And no, I won't say I don't care about it. Neither will I say it doesn't matter. Coz I do and it does. Unlike some people, to me my result IS important. Coz it's like the only thing I am, at least, good at. It reminds me of the time when I first got a C6 on my first Engineering Drawing paper. Though I got C5 on my Add Maths paper the test before, it is still acceptable considering only 5-6 people in my class, I think, passed it. That was the first time I cried over my result. For the first time I know what it feels like not standing anywhere near average. For the first time a teacher warned me about my result.

Getting bad results is like getting a bad breakup. Suddenly I lost interest in anything else. Including the coming flower festival I was sooo psyched up to go to this coming weekend. And my throat feels so full of lumps. And my head just won't concentrate on my dynamics work.

I need something to boost my mood up. My heart is screaming for a shopping spree. Or a big meal. Or a roller-coaster ride at everland (GILE KE?). Or maybe just covering my face with the pillow and scream or cry is enough. But my head tells me none of it will change anything. The money spent splurging on things I know so well I won't use won't change the marks. The big meal won't increase it by 50. The roller-coaster ride won't even make me feel better about the whole thing. In fact it'll make me feel worse all over. Scream and cry are just for babies.

The only thing I should do is go on and live it, I know. I kept going on when I got the C6 grade and emerged best student of the subject 2 years later, at the end of my school year. I can make this too, if only I try harder. You believe me, don't you?

Assalamualaikum

Tadi saya exam Physics. And I decided not to talk about it. Just that bila saya nervous dengan soalan susah, saya tend to have ideas yang pelik2 untuk menjawab soalan. Desperate la kata kan. Takkan nk biar kosong jek. Ye tak?

Hurm.. tadi perasan mamat Korea yang duduk blakang saya time Dynamics tadi comel gak. Dan saya point out salah dia dlm homework yang lepas. Oppss. Jangan pikir bukan2 okeh. Usual me, kalau saya not sure about homework saya, saya akan toleh ke belakang dan tanya orang di belakang saya. Macam yang saya buat pada Kang Min-woo time kat DY dulu. So saya toleh belakang dan tanya dia. And he showed me his homework and I thought jawapan dia lebih jauh tersasar dari saya. Duh~ At least I got the number correct, only the unit was wrong. Well, maybe jawapan tu salah tulis unit ke. Who knows kan?

Aaah~ Terasa nak berjoli katak malam ni. Dah la cuaca pun bes. Tak berapa sejuk. I walked home with my sweater in my hand. Seb baek korea xde mapley, kalau tak dah lame angkut Moshitta pegi. Tapi Moshitta tengah busy prepare untuk paper kimia next week. *Sigh*

I miss those days when I have enough time to watch the flowers blooming.

And the only flowers I see now are those in school.

Assalamualaikum

Baru balik dari kelas C++ yang bes gilerrr. And I'm not being sarcastic okeh. I love C++. More than any other subjects I take this sem.

As always, as soon as I get into my room, switched on my PC and straight on surfing the net without changing first. Tudung pun tak bukak lagi. Haha~ And there on top of the updated profile list, was Dina. Yes. My best friend since forever. With photos from her engagement day. And all of a sudden I felt my eyes stinging. There goes the girl who had been my friend since I was 8. We went everywhere together holding hands and singing when we were in primary school.

I remember when I first got stung by a bee, or is it tebuan(?), anyways I didn't even realize I was stung. All I know is that my back was prickling with pain. We went together into the copy room at the office and she checked my back, pulling out the sting from my back. Well now that I think about it, I was her very first patient.

She wore orange baju kurung that day. With smile that lit up her face. And I am nowhere by her side. Even after all those times she spent by mine.