Up-close and Personal

Assalamualaikum

I just checked my Physics result. And as expected, it's not good. In fact it is below average. And no, I won't say I don't care about it. Neither will I say it doesn't matter. Coz I do and it does. Unlike some people, to me my result IS important. Coz it's like the only thing I am, at least, good at. It reminds me of the time when I first got a C6 on my first Engineering Drawing paper. Though I got C5 on my Add Maths paper the test before, it is still acceptable considering only 5-6 people in my class, I think, passed it. That was the first time I cried over my result. For the first time I know what it feels like not standing anywhere near average. For the first time a teacher warned me about my result.

Getting bad results is like getting a bad breakup. Suddenly I lost interest in anything else. Including the coming flower festival I was sooo psyched up to go to this coming weekend. And my throat feels so full of lumps. And my head just won't concentrate on my dynamics work.

I need something to boost my mood up. My heart is screaming for a shopping spree. Or a big meal. Or a roller-coaster ride at everland (GILE KE?). Or maybe just covering my face with the pillow and scream or cry is enough. But my head tells me none of it will change anything. The money spent splurging on things I know so well I won't use won't change the marks. The big meal won't increase it by 50. The roller-coaster ride won't even make me feel better about the whole thing. In fact it'll make me feel worse all over. Scream and cry are just for babies.

The only thing I should do is go on and live it, I know. I kept going on when I got the C6 grade and emerged best student of the subject 2 years later, at the end of my school year. I can make this too, if only I try harder. You believe me, don't you?