I Wonder
Assalamualaikum
There was once upon a happier time when I thought friendship was forever. The shattering of a friendship.. I never knew it would feel like this. At first, of blinding anger; resentment- if i had ever been dumped before I might have said it's of similar feelings, but what would I know? Then with time the burning rage faded to a simmering pain; the feeling of inadequecy, of worthlessness... and now.. Now, it's cooled off to a hollowed feeling of numbness, when you would force your mind not to think of her, of memories, of shared jokes..
I often wonder - reluctantly, I admit,- whether she had ever thought about me. I wonder if she ever had to consciously stop herself from grinning at me at the mention of a word that would trigger the memory of a private joke. I wonder if she ever missed me coming over, and the things we used to do together. I wonder if she ever missed my crazy ideas, and how we would laugh at them. I wonder if she would look at my picture, and die a bit inside. I wonder if she missed me at all. I wonder if our friendship ever meant anything.
Maybe I was at fault. But was what I did so bad that she would dump our friendship- and our memories- down the drain?
I'm crying- I think this might be the first time I'm allowing myself to cry over the friendship, over the memories... over her.
Maybe it is over.
*adapted from sparkle through life by d la omar
**saya slalu rasa this things express most of the things i feel
2 comments:
is it true?
what is true??
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